Got a lot of feelings right now? Me too. Like...so many.
And you’ve probably heard therapists the world over say “feel your feelings” or “make space to feel” or “honor those emotions.” But what does all of that really MEAN?
It's important to make space to feel your emotions. If you don't, then they will make themselves known, and likely not at a moment of your choosing. Emotions aren't meant to be ignored and put away. They are there to spur us to do something and care for ourselves.
but HOW do you feel a feeling? Here's a quick guide:
1) Name it. Pull out an emotion wheel (google it) and find a few words for what you're feeling. It might be one emotion, it might be a bunch at once. There are no rules here. Find some feeling words! Anxious? Sad? Angry? Content? Excited?
Here are some emotions grouped together that you might be feeling:
anger
rage
exasperation
irritation
envy
disgust
agitated
frustrated
annoyed
shocked
surprised
powerless
stunned
astounded
speechless
confused
disoriented
disillusioned
engaged
sad
disappointed
despairing
depressed
guilty
hurt
ashamed
grieving
lonely
happy
proud
content
satisfied
enthusiastic
optimistic
cheerful
delighted
amused
curious
anxious
nervous
insecure
terrified
overwhelmed
panicked
worried
dreadful
scared
2) Name how your body is feeling. Really feel those sensations, don't just think them. How your body is experiencing these emotions gives you a lot of information. Checking in with your somatic experience keeps your more connected to yourself and more able to take care. What do you feel? Tension in your chest? Heaviness in your belly? Tingling in your arms? Constricted breathing?
Here are some body sensations you might notice:
tense
tight
tender
nauseous
sore
achy
constricted
bubbly
tingly
shaky
trembling
queasy
fluttery
electric
prickly
burning
radiating
congested
thick
dull
frozen
buzzy
heavy
cold
numb
hot
hollow
empty
knotty
warm
cool
airy
spacious
expansive
fluid
solid
floaty
cool
smooth
Approach all of this with the mindset of "this emotion is tolerable, and I don't have to get rid of it right now." That's it! You felt a thing!
After you've done this, you might want to do something about it. You might want to soothe the feeling or give yourself some care and compassion.
3) What thoughts are attached to this feeling? Our thoughts, the stories we tell ourselves about something, can exacerbate the feeling or calm it. Are your thoughts judging the emotion? Are you telling yourself the emotion must end RIGHT NOW? See if you can practice some self-compassion: "It makes sense that I am feeling X" or "it is okay to feel X". Removing judgement can make the emotion easier to tolerate. Ask if the thoughts accompanying that emotion are true, kind and useful. If they're not, try to generate a thought or two that is.
4) Ask yourself what the emotion is trying to communicate. It's not a pointless thing, it's trying to get you do move or do something to meet your needs. Ask, what do I need right now? Anxiety might mean it's time for a break. Sadness might mean it's time for connection. Anger might be time for self-expression (just examples). Ask what you need and do that thing.
How are you doing right now?