Guided Visualization Meditation to Build a Sense of Safety

by Abby Birk, LMFT

Recently, many of my clients (and I) have desperately needed to revisit our regulation skills. Skills that bring us back to a sense of calm, ease, relaxation or restoration in our bodies. In today's world, this state of being can be elusive between the go-go-go pace of life and the incessant call to be more and more productive. The need for intentional mindfulness and somatic regulation keeps increasing as we fall more and more into the trap of "I just don't have the time" day after day.

Below, I've written out the script I use to walk my clients through a visual meditation called Safe Place, to cultivate safety and security in the here and now. Many have their own version of this skill; here is the one I utilize in my sessions. My hope is to demystify these types of skills and make them accessible for practical, everyday use. As you continue, I recommend reading through (or listening to) the entire script at least once before trying it on your own with your eyes closed or gaze lowered.

Listen to the audio below:

Or read the script here (and maybe record it for yourself, or have a loved one record it for you!):

Find a comfortable seated, reclined, or supine position. Whatever position you choose, make sure you are not holding any tension to support this position, rather lean into and feel the support of your chair, floor, or object you are resting on, in, or against. It's best for grounding purposes (if you are in a position that allows it) to rest the soles of your feet on the floor. Let yourself get weighty and heavy as you allow your body to rest fully supported. You may place your hands wherever you'd like, on your thighs, in your lap, or on your heart and chest.

Now draw your attention to your breath. Do not seek to change anything yet, first observe with gentle curiosity the quality of your breath, the parts of the body that move or don't move as you breathe, the speed or sound of your current breath cycle...

As you observe, you might notice your breath starting to change anyways, that's okay. You can soon begin to intentionally lengthen your inhales and exhales. For this visualization meditation, we want to focus on elongated our exhales more than our inhales to better turn on our vagus nerve and calming parasympathetic nervous system.

Take a few rounds of deep breaths with longer exhales.

Minds wander, that's what they do. Label your thoughts as "thoughts" or "thinking" and return back to an aspect of your breath that can provide a bit more focus: the quality, speed, depth, length, feel, temperature, movement, etc.

Now you will select a safe place that you can imagine or think about for the rest of this exercise. It can be real or imagined. A place you've been to or never visited. It can obey the laws of physics or not. Whatever place you choose, you are in control here, you decide what is in the scene and what is not: if there's anyone with you, the weather, the way you feel here. You are completely safe and at ease in this landscape of your choosing. Take a minute to select a place or try a few different images to see which serves you today.

You will then explore your safe place through your 5 senses, starting with sight.

As you imagine looking around in your safe place, what can you see? How far can you see into the distance? What living things are around? What colors? What's the weather like? What buildings or people or nature fill up your space, if any? What surrounds you, what do you sit or stand or lay on? Once you've taken time observing, take some deep breaths simply enjoying the sensations that arise just by being in this place and looking around you.

When you're ready to move along, we'll continue our exploration through our sense of touch. What textures make up your safe place? Is there sand running through your fingers? Water? Are you surrounded by cozy blankets or laying on a fuzzy rug? Petting an animal? There are no wrong answers. Take stock of what you can feel on your skin, temperature, breeze, weather, etc. Take a few deep breaths once you're done observing with your sense of touch to enjoy the sensations that arise from the textures of your safe place.

Next, imagine closing your eyes in this place, identifying all that you can smell. If there are no naturally derived smells in your safe space landscape, you can invent some: maybe pulling in some of your favorite smells from different parts of your life like perfume/cologne, essential oils, warm drinks, nature, candles, etc. Take a few more deep breaths enjoying how the sense of smell in this place interacts with your body to create more safety and relaxation.

Now, you can continue imagining your eyes closed as you pay attention to the sounds that exist in this safe place. Further ground yourself into this landscape by singling out various sounds around you. Maybe you prefer your safe place to be silent, that is okay too! Whatever you find, just give yourself time to experience it fully and pay attention to how your body reactions to what it can hear in this space.

Lastly, we will engage with your sense of taste in this space. Like smell, you may have to manufacture a taste in your safe space if one is not naturally derived. You may pull from favorite foods, flavors, crisp, clean autumn air or the taste of the air after rainfall. Let yourself enjoy, with a few deep breaths, whatever flavors show up in your safe place.

Integrating all 5 senses in this imagined location allows for further grounding and experiencing of this beautiful internal resource. It allows your brain to fully simulate what it is like to exist in that safe, secure, relaxed state.

Take a few more breath cycles allowing yourself to simply exist in this safe place, remembering to see how your body feels. You will end the meditation with a body scan -- checking in slowly from head to toe (as if you were going through a scanner) for any sensations, feelings, emotions, etc. that arise. Then, you can wiggle your toes, eyelashes, and fingers: opening your eyes to fully come out of the meditation.

Remember, you are the author and originator of your own safe place, which means you have access to this space whenever you need it. Come to ground, regulate, relax, or restore yourself anytime you'd like! Visit when you need and just because you can, even allowing yourself a visit once daily or weekly. The more often we practice skills like these, the better utilized they will be when we actually NEED them in a difficult moment. Your safe place can change however you'd like or remain the same, time after time; don't forget, there are no rules, no "right" or "wrong" way to do this exercise. The important part to keep in mind is that YOU have full agency and autonomy over your safe place. View this guide as an invitation of cues to further ground you in your own experience -- which is all you, baby! Allow this guide to remind you of your own internal resources that you can avail yourself of anytime you'd like. Enjoy!

If you’d like to meet with a therapist to build a safe place together, or to further process stress in your life, Riverbank Therapy has therapists with openings, in person and virtual! Click here to schedule your free 20 minute consultation.

How Riverbank Therapy Got Its Name

by Founder, Toni Aswegan, LMHC, NCC

It is surprisingly difficult to name a therapy practice. When I started Riverbank Therapy, I knew I wanted to expand into a group practice and so I did not want to name it “Toni Aswegan Therapy”. That makes no sense if other therapists would also be working in the practice in the future (which, they are! This team is kickass). I wanted to find a name for the practice that would be encompassing of all sizes of the practice, and that reflected the type of work we do here.

I also didn’t want it to be cheesy AF.

My partner and I sat at dinner for a month throwing words back and forth:

“Rise”…

“Thrive”…

”Evolve”…

all the words you might associate with the therapy process.

Also, all words that felt meaningless and corny to me (no shade at practices with these names, they just don’t feel authentic to me or how I practice therapy).

So, in a last ditch effort to find a good name, I went to my trusty bookshelf. I read voraciously, especially books about therapy, human development, mindfulness, and emotions. I keep all of the books I’ve read related to my work on my office bookshelf, and often reference my notes and highlights in those books.

In the search for a name, I pulled down the books that had the biggest impact on my therapy style and my own personal growth.

Books like the Body Keeps the Score, Trauma Stewardship, and, Wherever You Go, There You Are.

I started flipping through pages, and reading the excerpts I had underlined.

In writing this blog post I went back through several of those books to find the exact quote that inspired me, but alas, I could not find it again! It must have truly been kismet that I found it once and not again.

 In any case, one of the underlined sections described mindfulness practice as sitting on the banks of a river, watching the current go by, carrying sticks and leaves with it, but staying grounded and steady on the riverbank.

It was perfect. Riverbank Therapy.

As a long time meditator, and a therapist who brings mindfulness practices into sessions with clients, this was it. A metaphor for being present, observing, and not being swept up by the currents. Not only is that what I do as a therapist, it’s what I support my clients in learning how to do with their own emotions, and is much of the magic of the therapy process.

Not to mention, “Riverbank” didn’t sound cheesy to me. A win all around.

So, there you have it! Riverbank Therapy. Mindfulness, grounded-ness, presence.

If you want to work with one of our therapists, head to our contact form and we’ll get your free 20 minute consultation scheduled. Like I said, we have a RAD team of therapists here, and our intake coordinator can help you find the best fit.

How Naming Your Feelings Improves Relationships (Including the one with yourself)

In sitting with clients and myself, I like to start off with the simple, yet, powerful question, “How are you feeling?”

It’s slightly different from, “How are you doing?” or “how’s it going?”

Asking yourself or others how they feel is very specific and lends opportunity for you to check in with yourself emotionally. Before rolling your eyes, hear me out.

I know talking about emotions and naming feelings can be challenging and uncomfortable. Sometimes this is because we may not have the words to name the feeling, or weren’t socialized to recognize them and talk about them, or we’re so out of touch with our feelings that it may seem like more of a headache to name them than to ignore. It’s easy to answer, “I’m fine,” or “I’m good,” to those other questions, but neither one of those answers actually name a feeling. 

A feeling is an actual sensation tied to your emotional state. By answering “fine” or “good,” we’re not exactly connecting to an actual emotion. Of course, at times, this type of response is appropriate. For instance, if you’re checking out at the counter in a store, you may not want your cashier to know you’re super frustrated with your partner for not listening to you that morning. However, checking in with yourself or those you are close with can be extremely important. Naming feelings such as “I’m frustrated,” or “joyful” gives yourself a pulse on your emotional state which ultimately creates connection to self, or as I like to call it, your spirit.

Naming your emotions affords you with the opportunity of acknowledging yourself. This can be the first step to creating a relationship with yourself. Growing to understand yourself is the foundation to your mental health and external relationships. If you’re not certain of your feelings, you may not be aware of your needs and how to meet them. This makes it hard to acknowledge and navigate your moods and behaviors in a supportive way. It’s ok, we’re all figuring it out.

It feels nice to be acknowledged by someone else, why not allow that to be something you do for yourself? As Beyoncé said in her song “Me, Myself, and I,” “I’m gon’ be my own best friend.”

(The queen herself is never wrong but…I digress.)

via GIPHY

It’s a social norm to greet or acknowledge others when we walk into a room. You can make it a similar norm with yourself acknowledge how you’re feeling from time to time. Your spirit will smile when you acknowledge it. More than likely, you wouldn’t ignore a child who is crying, a friend who seems unsettled during a social function, or a family member experiencing joy when celebrating an accomplishment. But how often do you ignore yourself? It is an act of kindness and self-compassion to not ignore your emotions.

Building a relationship with yourself is the first step to building any relationship, especially as an adult.

As adults we often navigate relationships on our own because we’ve left the guidance of our parents and caretakers. We left the nest without a proper manual for relationship building, as if a manual exists for anything in adulthood. Often times you can find that guidance in therapy along with trial and error through various relationships. Nothing beats the opportunity to build and explore the longest standing relationship that you will ever have, a relationship with yourself. 

Naming your emotions with yourself can also be helpful for your relationships with others. Being clear with yourself about how you’re feeling helps you communicate to other people more effectively, and makes it much more likely that your needs will be met by the other person, and definitely will help you feel more heard, understood and cared for, even though it’s really vulnerable. Despite discomfort, you are worthy of understanding and getting your needs met, and that’s on periodt!

By recognizing a feeling such as frustration, you allow yourself to recognize this emotional state within. This invites you to potentially explore why you’re feeling that way or where it’s coming from so that you can address it. Feeling frustrated may not feel good in the moment, but processing and exploring why you feel this way can help change the feeling or care for yourself as you feel it. 

Frustration signals that maybe your needs aren’t being met in the moment or you feel misunderstood by someone. Instead of potentially channeling your frustrations toward someone else in a way that isn’t helpful or intentional, you’ve acknowledged your emotion and invited yourself to process the situation. This way your emotion can be seen and validated by yourself, and then communicated to the other person. 

Becoming self-aware after processing your emotions can lead to understanding yourself, connection to the physical implications of your emotional state, along with a path to finding useful coping skills when needed. Once you’ve processed what made you frustrated, you can also name your bodily responses to recognize the impact of this emotion on you physically; furthermore, this deepens your connection with yourself. For instance, when I’m frustrated I tend to get hot, my shoulders become tense, my jaw tightens, and I’m not breathing as deeply. By recognizing my physical state in moments of frustration, I’ve realized my go-to coping mechanism is to take deeper breaths and focus on my breathing pattern.

This allows for me to slow my thoughts and responses to others; as a result, I can be more tactful in my responses so the way I’m communicating will potentially be more receptive. Although breathing may not be your go-to coping skill, or how you would cope with “frustration,” in particular, naming your emotion will allow to recognize if and what coping skill you may need.  After exploring your emotion, it’s beneficial to explore coping skills that work for you with various grounding techniques such as naming sensations, meditating, engaging in movement whether it be dance or taking a walk, hanging out with people who love and support you, or engaging if your favorite hobby.

You may also externalize the issue so that there’s no reason to channel frustration toward someone else or yourself ineffectively. Externalizing means to name the problem not the person. 

Externalizing the issue creates room for you to detach the issue from a person to looking at it more objectively. Ask yourself, “what is the issue in this moment outside of the individuals involved?”. This helps you invite a little grace by shifting your perspective from blaming someone to instead, seeing the problem removed from the person. For instance, your frustration may not actually be with the person in the moment, but in the fact that it’s misunderstanding in communication; as a result, communication is the issue and not the person. This process can alleviate that frustration and maybe even transition that emotion to hope, or feeling as sense of clarity, after processing your emotion. 

It can also help you more effectively communicate to someone what you’re frustrated about. Rather than fighting words such as, “You’re an asshole”, you can say something like “I’m frustrated because I feel unheard right now”. You’re shifting the frustration in the situation from the person to the dynamic, which can help you and the other person face it together, rather than facing against each other.

Naming your emotion may seem simple, yet, a powerful exercise that will open doors for processing your feelings and deepening relationships. This process lends itself to you becoming connected to yourself, understanding yourself, and becoming aware of your needs in the moment. Identifying what’s happening for you internally can be the first step to building a solid relationship with your spirit, with your soul, with you.

Think of how many music artists have made millions off of naming and acknowledging their feelings: Drake, Whitney Houston, Adele, Otis Redding, the list goes on. If you’re not certain of how to put your feelings into words, feel free to Google “feelings wheel,” or “wheel of emotions” or check out this blog post about it.

You can check in with your feelings anywhere, anytime. So, now I have to ask, how are you feeling?

Read about more ways to cultivate a relationship with yourself here.

If you’d like to work with a therapist at Riverbank Therapy, fill out our contact form!

5 Tools to Deal with Avoidance

By: Abby Lombardo, LMFT

An issue cropping up a lot in my work with folks in this season of the pandemic is avoidance.

Not wanting to do something, procrastinating on this thing, stressing over that thing, completely forgetting the other thing, until we are back at the beginning or something bad happens…like…a consequence for not getting this something done on time or …at all.

I’m not only talking about avoidance that shows up in our work or because of our daunting, never-ending to-do lists, but also the avoidance that results from wanting to push away emotional discomfort. Sometimes the two are deeply linked, more than we often think. This post will give you some tools for when it’s time to look yourself in the mirror and face what you’ve been avoiding, whatever that may be.

Here are some ideas inspired by my work with clients on the topic of avoidance:

1)      Explore what contributes to your desire to avoid.

It might be ironic, that in order to help your avoidance, you must stop avoiding the reason you are avoiding in the first place. Avoidance is often a coping skill, a strategy we use in the face of overwhelm, threat, insecurity, perfectionism, pressure, fear, etc.

It might be helpful to break down your experience to the simplest feeling word you can find. For example, I am afraid of what my boss will think of me if I send this email with an error. Therefore, I am avoiding sending this email until it feels perfect. Once you whittle it down to a basic emotion, it’s a bit easier to deal with than the layers and layers your thoughts and feelings about your feelings have added or even distracted from your original experience.

Discomfort is a common reason I’ve found amongst by own clients for why they avoid certain situations or tasks or conversations. The icky feeling they get deep down that something is not okay can often be a trigger for our nervous system’s stress response: fight, flight, flee, even fawn (neutralizing a threat by befriending it). When we avoid, we are often fleeing to get away from a stressor or threat. Our ancient evolutionary biological systems cannot often distinguish a true threat to our survival from a stressful experience.

For the average person in 2022, our day-to-day modern-day stressors do not usually include life or death situations. They mostly include chronic stressors that have to do with our jobs, our relationships, or our sense of self. If we can pinpoint how our avoidance is trying to serve us, as in, get us as far away from our stressor as possible, then we can learn to relabel these threats and recalibrate our response system. We can learn to soothe our nervous systems with mindful movement or self-care, teaching our brains that this task will not hurt me, this person’s opinion of me may sting yet it does not change who I am, this conversation is challenging, yet it is survivable.

Try asking yourself:

What am I truly avoiding?

Why am I avoiding that thing?

How is avoidance trying to serve me? Am I fleeing because my nervous system is activated and stressed?

Am I avoiding something because it makes me feel uncomfortable? Or another emotion?

What can I do with that emotion instead of avoiding it?

How can I soothe, self-care, or move my body to remind it I am safe and okay even if I am uncomfortable or stressed?

2)      Create a simulation in your mind.

This idea comes from the practice of exposure therapy for anxieties and phobias, as well as trauma. The idea is that you practice simulating in your mind the very thing you have a strong avoidance towards. If you are avoiding household chores that have gone neglected too long, you might imagine yourself taking the first step to get up and collect all the dishes to place them in the kitchen or collecting all the laundry needing to be done. The idea is that step-by-step your brain is getting used to the very thing it has been blocking out via avoidance.

The simulations work two-fold, 1) your brain literally practices the task even in your imagination, which makes it a bit easier to do the task in real life and helps you anticipate some difficulties you might have along the way 2) you are breaking down tasks into accessible steps, which makes the whole thing a little less daunting by the time you actually decide to approach the task in real life.

3)      Break down tasks

When we are overwhelmed, it is usually because we are feeling many things about one or several other things at the same time. My clients who live with ADD/ADHD have to make common use of the skill of breaking down tasks in order to make tasks more accessible to their brains. A helpful question my clients and I have landed on: What is the most accessible thing I can do right now that could help? Then do that. Doesn’t matter how small or ridiculous. For some, it’s standing up, collecting necessary materials, opening the computer, starting the document/email, writing down next steps…

4)      Color code tasks

Along with this idea of breaking down tasks, it can be helpful to have a system to code tasks or steps of tasks into green, yellow, red. Green, accessible now. Yellow, it’s doable but maybe a bit challenging for one reason or another. Red, feels very challenging at the moment. The idea is to start with the green tasks to build momentum and confidence. Then, if you still don’t feel up to the yellow or red tasks at a later time, you can learn to further break those down into green-coded tasks until those tasks feel more accessible.

5)      Organize/prioritize tasks

Great! You’ve learned why you’re avoiding something; you’ve imagined in your mind how to do the thing; you have the accessible steps all listed out. But wait, you have about 10 other tasks you need to repeat this process for, where do you even start in tackling them all? In comes the skill for organizing and prioritizing tasks. For my folks with ADD/ADHD, this is an important skill to learn to externally structure what their pre-frontal cortex (the area of executive functioning) does not. It is important to find a system that works and is intuitive for you, if you don’t like the process or the system you’re using, you won’t use it. Ultimately, find a system that helps you lay out everything you’re expecting of yourself to be done so you can catch early if it is an unrealistic expectation and also so you can prioritize which tasks to do first or in order. Think big picture first, then move into the details of each task once you’ve identified it as a task worth working on at this moment in time. Too often, we get sucked into the minutiae of the tasks that we forget to gain perspective on is this really what I need to be working on right now?

For my visual and tactile clients, I often suggest the use of a dry-erase board or sticky notes. Writing out your items for the day and then placing the one you are currently working on in the center of your workspace/visual field as a practical way to manage focus and keep up with real time prioritization. The other sticky notes can be swapped out at any time to be your “main focus sticky note,” so it is flexible often like our attention and daily demands. Steps can be written on the front of the sticky note or on the back to help with traction towards a bigger item or goal.

Don’t forget a done pile! I encourage clients to have a moment of celebrating the doneness of a task, before skipping right to the next thing. This is an opportunity to “complete the stress cycle” by saying to yourself: you know that thing I was wildly stressed about before? I did what it took to complete this task. Yay me! I did it! It is an opportunity to build confidence and competence for future challenges, as well.

I hope this practical guide for how to work with your own avoidance feels accessible and applicable to what you find yourself avoiding, if not, stay tuned for Part 2 of this post. Remember that you’re in good company, which is why I felt inclined to write this post in the first place!

Take a moment to also remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got at this moment in time. If you feel that you might need more personalized help with your avoidance or notice your avoidance significantly impacting your functioning in different areas of your life: work, school, home, relationships, etc., then reach out to us and we will match you with a therapist available to help you address your avoidance more specifically.

5 More Tips for Times of Transition

By: Abby Lombardo, LMFT

If you missed part one of this post, head here to read it now! 

6. It’s OK to not be OK.

       The phrase “It’s OK to not be OK” is meant to normalize your experience, whatever the not okayness may be or may stem from. It is sad to me that we need these reminders, because the society we live in, in most of America, subscribes to this toxic positivity, good vibes only, put your best foot forward at all times, filtered social media persona… The messiness of our humanity is often experienced behind closed doors. And when that is the case, we often isolate ourselves further because of the lack of representation or the belief that no one else has moments like these, struggles like these. What I mean when I say it’s okay, is that it is NORMAL. It is part of the range of human experiences. Shit happens. Life happens. It is not a personal failing. You are not failing at life. When things become significantly distressing and cause bigger issues in our life, that’s a sign to address and work on some things, maybe with a therapist. Still, most of my sessions, despite the issue or diagnosis of the client, is about reminding people that what they are experiencing is valid, it makes sense, and it is a normal experience within the realm of human experiences. We often have to start there before we can get anywhere else.

What it’s OK to not be OK looks like:

Being sad.

Grieving.

Crying.

Hugging yourself.

Telling a friend how you’re truly doing.

Being vulnerable with your partner about your needs in the relationship.

Being messy.

Having a bad day.

Not feeling generous towards people.

Not wanting to say yes to things, people, events, invites…

Not wanting to smile.

Not forcing yourself to smile.

Taking a mental health/sick/self care day off from work.

Not liking yourself or how you look.

Feeling anxious

Feeling depressed.

7. Know when to take control and when to let go.

This is a common struggle I can highlight in my own life and the life of most of my clients: the struggle to know when to take control and when to just let a thing go. They are two very important skills. One, feeling empowered in your sense of agency and sense of self control in the world. Two, feeling the peace of knowing you’ve done all you can and it is now time to switch course, pivot, regroup, and proceed differently. The third skill is knowing how to discern when the situation calls for one or the other. So, how do you know when it’s time to take control and empower yourself to push through or to relinquish control and graciously surrender?

What taking control and letting go can look like:

Asking yourself:

What is my goal here?

Am I afraid of something happening if I let go of control?

       What do I have the ability to impact in this situation?

       What would accepting the situation do for me?

Realizing the limits of your own control.

Surrendering to the unknown mystery of life that cannot be controlled.

Practicing meditation.

Move your body, which can help regulate your nervous system and the intensity of the situation.

8. Connect with yourself.

The world is raging around you. Sometimes, you have nowhere else to go but inward. I encourage you to make a home within yourself. A retreat. A place where you can rest, gain insight, sit with what is, explore a new place through visualization, imagination, reading, curiosity. Cultivate connection with yourself in a way that becomes your best resource when everything around you feels too much or too out of control. In order to do this, we often have to shine a light on all the shadowy corners of our selves we’d really rather not have to face. These are the most important places we can go in order to befriend ourselves. When we can engage the parts of ourselves we deem unworthy, shameful, or unacceptable with curiosity, compassion, and gentleness then we can learn to inhabit ourselves more fully. Embodied people learn to be grateful for their shadows, because they have much to teach us about ourselves.

What connecting with our selves can look like:

Journaling.

Being vulnerable.

Identifying areas where you carry shame.

Identifying parts of yourself you often reject or find intolerable in others.

Sitting with yourself in silence.

Bringing curiosity to your experiences and behaviors.

Validating your own feelings.

Offer yourself compassion, care, and kindness.

Imagine interacting with a younger version of yourself, what would you say or do for the is younger you, that maybe you needed then?

9. Remember your values.

When I feel adrift in session with a client, it’s usually because I don’t know what guides them, what matters to them, what they value most. Sometimes they aren’t even aware themselves! Values ground us and transcend us, they give our actions purpose and meaning. They make this existence matter. When we live into our values, we feel aligned and purposeful. We feel satisfied and fulfilled. When we walk away from our values, we often feel dissonance between the person we want to be and the person we are behaving like. The easiest way to close that gap is to 1) be aware of what your values are 2) Find small actionable steps that lead in the direction of your value. We can never “accomplish” a value. Living into a value is never done, it is something we continually must choose to step towards. No one lives into their values 100% of the time. Yet the more mindful we are about our choices lining up with our values, the more direction, purpose, and meaning we derive from life.

What remembering your values can look like:

Complete a “Values Sort Exercise” by reading through a list online and organizing the words that stand out to you most.

Investigate past positive experiences where you felt you had a strong sense of self, direction, satisfaction, fulfillment, purpose, or meaning and mine those experiences for clues as to what you might have been valuing or living into at those times.

Break down small, actionable, realistic steps for living into one of your identified values.

Offer yourself compassion for making mistakes or not living up to your goals/values.

Surround yourself with people who share similar values or inspire you to move towards your goals and values.

Be curious about your values, where they originate, how they feel to you, is there a socio-cultural narrative that impacts these values (positively or negatively)?

Make conscious choices about the things you choose to value and how you show you value them.

10.  Prioritize what’s most important.

In times of transition, and in general, we only have so much energy. While it is a renewable resource, our energy is also limited per day. Our world is so full of distractions and non-stop media grabbing for our time and attention – also precious resources. We seek entertainment and distraction to soothe our overwhelmed and overstimulated nervous systems, thereby re-starting the whole cycle. Prioritizing what’s important is a skill that helps us cut through the static, narrow our focus, and direct our energy where it matters most. It takes conscious effort and mindful awareness to choose where our energy, time, and attention is invested. But that’s exactly what is happening, no matter what we are doing we are investing it somewhere. We invest it in entertainment and media, we invest it in work for money to live off of, we invest it in our relationships to maintain and enjoy them, we invest it in ourselves to learn and grow. Or you could say: Wherever you spend your time and energy, there your heart and treasure lie also. So be wise with where you allocate your most precious of resources. Ensure that you are investing in the things that truly matter to you, that truly are important.

What prioritizing what’s most important can look like:

Taking stock of your daily routine/agenda

Clarifying your needs and goals for a day/week.

Identifying what is important in your life and ways you show that to yourself and others

Being honest about areas in your life that are important yet have been neglected in terms of “investment” of your time, energy, and attention

Look for small, actionable steps for re-investing in neglected areas

Make a schedule/create a routine/set a reminder in order to continually and intentionally prioritize what’s important

Remember that these are only suggestions of things to possibly try, things that might help. Please trust yourself to navigate your needs in this time of transition. And when you feel like it’s too hard or you can’t do it much more on your own, please know that we at Riverbank Therapy would love to partner with you in your journey and come alongside to support you.