Self-love is a game-changer.⁠ Your life radically changes when you start to care for yourself the way you care for those around you. And love is a verb, it comes through actions. You cultivate self-love when you show up for yourself, consistently and with compassion. It takes practice.

What I’ve noticed over time, is that the belief “I am unloveable” begins to shift to a belief that “I am loveable” when people consistently treat themselves as if the latter is true, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

I don't buy the bullshit that says "no one will love you until you love yourself"...because it's just not true. You will still be loved even if you don't love yourself, but that love will be harder to accept and savor. You might find yourself pushing love away, fearing that people will leave you or “find you out”. When you practice loving yourself, you’re more able to be present with the love other people are showing you.

Self-love can come in a lot of forms, but these are five tried and true ways that I know help develop self-love:⁠

1) 🖤Stop judging others.

What you're judging in them is something you reject about yourself, or it's just plain mean and feeding into focusing on the negative about yourself. Stop judging others and notice how much easier it is to be kind to yourself and feel connected in any situation.⁠ This is a practice I adopted several years ago, and it made massive shifts in how I looked at other people and myself.

2) 🕵️‍♀️Observe your inner critic.

Notice the mean shit she's saying to you daily! Would you say that to your best friend? Are those shame-y thoughts helping you get anywhere? NO.⁠

3) 💥Challenge those statements with something that is true, kind AND useful.

Yes, all three. True (because maybe you did fuck that thing up), but how can you say it in a way that is KIND and USEFUL at the same time? Not "you're such a failure, you really messed that up", but instead "that didn't go well, you made a few mistakes, here's how you can do better next time/learn from this". Way kinder.⁠

4) ❓Ask, "what do I feel right now?"

Isn't this how we so often show people we care? We want to know how they're feeling and what's going on in their lives. Get curious about your own experience, without so much judgement. It's amazing what can change just through asking yourself "what do I feel right now?⁠

5) 🌮Ask "what do I really need?"...and give that to yourself!

This is another way we show that we care. We support our loved ones, we try to meet their (reasonable) needs, we do what we can to SHOW UP for them.⁠

How can you show up and show love for yourself today??