Anyone else super anxious when making a phone call?

Up until I started my own business, I used to have to hand the phone off to someone else to order pizza, make an appointment, etc, because I was too anxious to be on the phone with a stranger. I have heard this over and over again from other people, too. Phone calls are so stressful.

Now that I have some background in how our nervous system functions, I have a theory (emphasis on *theory*, I could be wrong) as to WHY this is the case for so many of us.

It's the same theory for why talking to people with masks on might be creating social stress (other than the obvious stress of living in a pandemic time...P.S. WEAR A MASK).

You've heard about the window of tolerance, also called the social engagement system. (and if you haven't, scroll around my page a bit and you'll find old posts about it). This is governed primarily by the ventral vagal complex (VVC), a big ol' nerve system that runs from the base of your skull all over your face and ears and throat, into your heart and lungs and guts (it's a big one, friends).

The VVC keeps your heart rate regulated. It helps you tune your ears to hear the frequency of human voices over other sounds. It helps you create and appropriately read facial expressions, by noticing the crinkles at the edges of eyes, the shape of someone's mouth, how much teeth are showing, if their nose is moving, crinkled, etc.

When we're able to read facial expressions, we can feel safer knowing whether a person is friendly or aggressive, sad or angry or pleased...in other words--feeling safe is connected to knowing how the other person feels and what their relationship is to us...which is all deeply connected to our ability to see their face.

Well guess what?! The phone obscures all of the facial expression information. Masks obscure fully two thirds of this information.

We're missing the usual information we would use to help determine safety and how to act in relationship. Anxiety and stress in these situations is NORMAL.**

For those with a history of trauma, this stress might be even more acute and distressing.

Does this resonate with you? Let me know your thoughts!

**WEAR A MASK ANYWAY I'm just validating one potential reason why we might feel more dysregulated lately.