mindfulness

A Tool For Finding Comfort in Chaos

by Kelsi Davis, LICSWA

What is a Snapshot practice?

A snapshot is a journaling activity that aims to create or recreate a memory to ground yourself in the present moment. This activity can be utilized when you feel stressed, anxious, or frustrated. It is easy to get wrapped up in these strong emotions and feel stuck with them. The snapshot helps bring your focus to the present and allows time for reflection. This activity is not only grounding but can create a space for self-care.

This journaling activity is named after a quick informal photograph taken to capture a moment in time. Much like its name, this activity is done informally. You can take as little as five minutes or spend a whole hour writing out your snapshot. You can write one every day or write one when emotions are heightened. This is a personal and individualized practice.

How to Make Time?

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done, and there is often a never-ending list of things to finish, so self-care needs to be intentionally set aside. Let’s set the scene for this journaling activity. Create a workspace that allows you to get into the mindset of self- compassion and emotional flexibility. This may look like deep breaths, going for a walk, yoga, etc.

The goal is to be comfortable in your environment. Be intentional with your time and create a space for yourself to feel. Then you can sit down and start to write or type (I like to put pen to paper). You may listen to music while you reflect or write in silence.

Why do this?

This practice may sound challenging to do when you are in a heightened place of emotion. If this is something that can’t be done in the moment of these heightened emotions, then you can set the intention to write a snapshot when you are in a good headspace. Then you can reflect on a finished journal entry when you are stressed or anxious. I suggest reading it out loud to yourself and using it as a tool to ground. It is like going to a happy place. This “happy place” can be hard to visualize, so writing can help ground your thoughts in a safe space of self-care and understanding. I often struggle to find time to fit this practice into my day. I set an intention to use this practice to remind myself to come back to it when I need it.

This is my guidance: celebrate the small moments. Self-care starts by creating space for yourself. Small things can bring joy, and we can relish in these moments.

What to Write About?

There are three paths (use one or all three!):

  1. Create a new memory. Take a walk, get outside, sit with your feelings, eat your favorite food, and then write about your experience. Again, this practice is personal.

  2. Think back to a memory and write about it in detail to help visualize the memory. An example of this: The first day you got a pet, your wedding day, a childhood memory that sticks out to you.

  3. Reflection: ground yourself in your environment and take time to notice and reflect on something soothing in your current space.

Example One (creating a new memory)

It was cool outside, about forty degrees. It was a quiet evening. There is always something running through my mind as I tend to overthink. Life is always happening around me. My mind, as I write this, is full of day-to-day stressors. As I stand outside, I think about money, bills, and my obligations as a professional, friend, and dysfunctional family member. I think about the never-ending appointments and meetings and responsibility. As I am standing outside, I dig my bare feet into the ground and feel the dirt between my toes. I stare into the sky illuminated by streetlights and breathe in crisp cool air. I often feel like my life is nothing but things that need to be done. I am nothing but a machine. Well, the societal expectation is always to be productive.

It can be hard to enjoy the moments I do have. To stand outside in the cool evening and I ground. I hear cars in the faint background and the pattering of tiny feet from what I can only assume to be a family of raccoons. After some time in the quiet, I sat on the cool, damp grass. I was not thrilled to have gotten my pajama bottoms wet. However, it did not seem to bother me. I just ended up laughing at myself. The goal at this moment was to fully indulge in my natural setting, even when surrounded by the city. Sitting on the damp grass, I felt raindrops hit my face as I gazed into the sky. The cold drips of rain continued to hit my skin, making me feel present in my moment. I created a space where I had no obligations except to care for myself for a few minutes. To be present, to feel one with the world around me, and live in that moment.

Example Two (memory)

It was snowing hard outside. I was visiting my parents for the holidays. A time of year that is honestly hard. I was trying to enjoy the time with my parents, but I needed some time alone and fresh air. I stepped outside. My skin was warm, so it melted quickly when the snowflakes fell on me. I felt calm amidst the chaos of holiday bickering. I walked down the large stairway in front of my parent’s home and looked at the large pine trees in their front yard. The snow glistened. It glowed in the starlight. All I could hear was the snow falling until I heard what sounded like a baby crying. I looked everywhere to find what was making these sounds. I circle the property and return to the front yard, where I had been looking at the trees. I looked down, and I saw a small black and white kitten. His eyes were not open, and he was ice cold but very much alive. I took him in. This moment led to many sleepless nights of caring for this kitten. That was six years ago. One day can change your life, and the day I found Cecil changed mine.

Example Three (reflection)

I have a small plant cohabitating in my small urban apartment. I enjoy watering it and ensuring it gets everything it needs to thrive. It made me think how all people need different things to thrive, just like plants have different needs. Learning what we need and making time to care for ourselves are discussed often in popular media. However, it is often passed over about how to incorporate the practice of self-nourishment into our day-to-day.

Putting this into Practice

As you can see in the three examples, the journaling activity can be long or short. It is a practice to make your own. It can be utilized in the heat of the moment, after a stressful event, in the middle of feeling anxious, on good days or bad days. It is a practice that can be implemented at any time. I have written them on my phone to use while waiting for a doctor’s appointment or for when I’m stressed at work. The key is to return to these snapshots and embrace the emotions presented in the exercise. This activity allows us to remember the small moments and find joy in the mundane or simple. This activity may be best utilized by those who enjoy journaling. However, this may also provide a structure to try a new way to cope with heightened emotions, so I challenge anyone to give it a shot. You might find a new strategy that you love to use!

“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” -Jill Bolte Taylor

We have several therapists with openings in their schedules right now. If you’d like to work with a Riverbank therapist, click here to fill out our contact form and our intake coordinator will help you get placed with the best fit!

How Riverbank Therapy Got Its Name

by Founder, Toni Aswegan, LMHC, NCC

It is surprisingly difficult to name a therapy practice. When I started Riverbank Therapy, I knew I wanted to expand into a group practice and so I did not want to name it “Toni Aswegan Therapy”. That makes no sense if other therapists would also be working in the practice in the future (which, they are! This team is kickass). I wanted to find a name for the practice that would be encompassing of all sizes of the practice, and that reflected the type of work we do here.

I also didn’t want it to be cheesy AF.

My partner and I sat at dinner for a month throwing words back and forth:

“Rise”…

“Thrive”…

”Evolve”…

all the words you might associate with the therapy process.

Also, all words that felt meaningless and corny to me (no shade at practices with these names, they just don’t feel authentic to me or how I practice therapy).

So, in a last ditch effort to find a good name, I went to my trusty bookshelf. I read voraciously, especially books about therapy, human development, mindfulness, and emotions. I keep all of the books I’ve read related to my work on my office bookshelf, and often reference my notes and highlights in those books.

In the search for a name, I pulled down the books that had the biggest impact on my therapy style and my own personal growth.

Books like the Body Keeps the Score, Trauma Stewardship, and, Wherever You Go, There You Are.

I started flipping through pages, and reading the excerpts I had underlined.

In writing this blog post I went back through several of those books to find the exact quote that inspired me, but alas, I could not find it again! It must have truly been kismet that I found it once and not again.

 In any case, one of the underlined sections described mindfulness practice as sitting on the banks of a river, watching the current go by, carrying sticks and leaves with it, but staying grounded and steady on the riverbank.

It was perfect. Riverbank Therapy.

As a long time meditator, and a therapist who brings mindfulness practices into sessions with clients, this was it. A metaphor for being present, observing, and not being swept up by the currents. Not only is that what I do as a therapist, it’s what I support my clients in learning how to do with their own emotions, and is much of the magic of the therapy process.

Not to mention, “Riverbank” didn’t sound cheesy to me. A win all around.

So, there you have it! Riverbank Therapy. Mindfulness, grounded-ness, presence.

If you want to work with one of our therapists, head to our contact form and we’ll get your free 20 minute consultation scheduled. Like I said, we have a RAD team of therapists here, and our intake coordinator can help you find the best fit.

What Is Mindfulness?

At a virtual comedy event I attended this week, one of the comedians joked about being stressed out. Someone in her life suggested meditation. Meditation? Her? No way! She didn’t want to sit quietly in a dark room with her racing mind, meditation was not for her. 

The joke got a lot of laughs and the comment box scrolling on the side was full of agreements- the comedian was right, meditation was a ridiculous suggestion!

Sound familiar? Yep, it feels like almost everywhere these days the concepts of mindfulness and meditation are pushed on us, with little or not help to understanding what they mean, leading to the frustration and helplessness this comic expressed. 

Hello! I am glad you’re here! You probably clicked on this blog post because you too have felt muddled by all the “mindful” words and messages that get thrown at us on social media, the news, magazines, from our friends, and in an increasing amount of just casual conversation. 

Over the course of the last decade, mainstream society has gotten saturated with buzzwords like mindfulness, self love, self care and meditation.  I use the word saturated, because I see it everywhere! Waiting in line at the grocery store check out I see glossy magazine covers depicting an unfurling flower, or someone perched serenely on a mountaintop, with the size 48 font reminding me that I, too could be a blossoming flower or serene mountaintop sitter, if I would embrace mindfulness. Recently I walked by the dance studio on my block where they added a big, colorful sign in their window that says “LOVE YOURSELF”. 

Huh. Without any direction or guidance, messages like “love yourself” and “be mindful” aren’t helpful. In addition to that, they can be harmful. With the increasing ubiquity of those “mindful buzzwords”, they can also elicit shame, self- judgement and questioning ourselves. “Everyone else seems like they’re on the mindfulness train, whats wrong with me that I’m not?”

Well, I am here to say, really loudly, kindly and in caps lock and in bold: NOTHING.

Nothing is wrong with you for not knowing how to bring all those buzzwords into your life, and perhaps not knowing if you want to at all! I invite you as you’re reading this. Yes, this very moment, to notice that you are a human, and you live on Earth. For me, that sentence allows me to exhale deeply, I invite you to do the same. 

If it feels right to keep reading, then I offer you my outstretched hand, and all the kindness I feel as I write these words and you read them. 

What is mindfulness, anyways?

Mindfulness is patient, kind attention to whatever is happening in any given moment. 

Yep. That’s it.

But… how?

I invite you to try it right now as you are reading these words. 

Can you hear any sounds, like a car driving past, music you have playing, birds chirping, the sound of yourself exhaling? 

What color shirt are you wearing?

What device are you reading this on, laptop, phone, tablet?

Do any memories or feelings come up as you begin to take notice of this moment? If so, recognize them as well. 

Noticing the pieces that build upon one another to form a moment- that is mindfulness. 

This feels weird!

I acknowledge that patient and kind attention to ourselves and our surroundings can be a very new experience for many of us. Something as tiny as mindfully noticing the sound of the heater clanking brings us out of the past or the future and places us squarely in the present moment. I am here, the heater is clanking. 

We have been taught and socialized to be anywhere other than here. From the public school system in the US, asking us to study for standardized tests, to the current usage and proliferation of social media, with people showing us all day how happy and adventurous their lives are. 

That is why mindfulness is radical. It is the radical choice to say, I am right here, right now.

What happens if I get pulled out of the here and now? Am I doing mindfulness wrong? 

Noticing you were pulled out ….. drumroll… is mindfulness!  When we return to mindful awareness, that’s doing it too! 

The good news is, mindfulness is always there, waiting for us to come back. This quote from Julia Child expresses mindfulness perfectly: “Always remember: if you are alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it back up. Who’s going to know?”

Mindfulness is a private relationship with ourselves, so if we drop our awareness, we can pick it back up, over and over again. Kindness as we return is also a key factor. If we get lost in a thought, bringing ourselves back with such big kindness, like how you might speak to a child, “Hi, I see you got lost, I’m right here, welcome back”. I get feedback from clients that this feels corny/difficult to do at first, and that is A-OK! Acknowledging the corniness (if that is true for you) is also mindfulness. 

I think I’m on board… but am not sure about sitting still in a quiet room, what are my options?

The great news is that mindful awareness can be done sitting, standing, lying down or walking. It can be done anytime of day, no matter where you are. Mindfulness is fluid, and malleable. It can be wherever you are.  

This is a great rundown of what those positions might look like for you!

But If I am right here, right now, how will I ever plan for the future or move towards my goals?

Great question! The answer is that, by being with yourself, you ARE moving towards your goals. 

Let’s say a goal of yours is to have a more open and honest relationship with your mother, and right here, in this moment, you are ruminating on the difficult conversation you had with her last night. Being in the moment does not mean running away from the hard convo you had with your mom- it means acknowledging it.  You might put a hand on your heart and say, “I am really upset about that conversation I had with mom last night”. Just like noticing a car driving past or the heater clanking, the noticing and naming of a feeling as it arises is mindfulness. 

Take a moment right now to notice what might be going on in your heart and feelings. 

Some noticing phrases:

  • What that friend said really hurt me

  • I feel really joyful and happy when I take my dog for a walk

  • I feel lonely today 

  • I’m worried about making enough money

  • I feel seen and understood because of that conversation with a friend

You may notice in these “example” phrases that some are more commonly thought of as “positive” and some as “negative”. That is intentional on my part when writing this list, because mindfulness is noticing ALL of our parts, the joys and the sorrows. When we begin to spend time with our true selves, motivation for change and growth has the space to be cultivated. 

OK, I tried it, but I felt unsafe!

I acknowledge that it doesn’t always feel safe or OK to be mindful of what is happening in our bodies. Sometimes there is deep pain/ hurt/ trauma held in our bodies, and it can become very tender and raw when it begins to get looked at through the practice of mindfulness. Please know, this is a cue for you to stop or take it slowly. I invite you to acknowledge with kindness that this practice doesn’t feel right or safe, and contact a professional so that you can process with the support of a trained mental health provider. 

My hope for this article is that it has helped to shine a more honest light on what mindfulness is in our daily lives. The voice of the comedian in the opening, the magazine covers, what we see on social media are all distortions of the core of mindfulness. The core of returning to ourselves and our awareness. 

Please also know, this is a beginning for me, too! Although I have been practicing mindfulness for quite a while, I have never written a piece on mindfulness before! I would be happy to answer any lingering questions you may have or point you towards additional resources for your specific needs. Reach out here

If you want more on this topic:

Another blog post on mindfulness meditation here

Toni Talks Therapy podcast episode on an experiment: 366 days of meditation

10 Ways to Connect with Yourself

by Abby Lombardo, LMFT

1.     Write a “Where I’m From” poem.

What it is: The Where I’m From poems are part of the I Am From Project (for examples and more information: https://iamfromproject.com/poems-thru-8-2020/) connecting people to themselves and to each other through our personal stories and backgrounds. It is a type of prompted poem that incorporates aspect of your history, background, family, location, identities, memories, and feelings of your beginnings.

Why it works: Often times, we forget that stories are deeply connecting and help us make sense of our own existence. Humans are storytellers, brains respond well to stories. They give us a framework for our experiences and for things we do and do not quite understand. Working on a “Where I’m From” poem could help you connect to aspects of you that have gone unexamined, but that remain an integral part of who you are and how you see the world today.

 

2.     Create rituals and routines.

What it is: Just like stories, most brains and bodies respond well to rituals and routines. Maybe it is a morning routine, a way to make space for time that does not belong to anyone else or your job or your never-ending to-do list. Maybe it is an after-work routine, a way to unwind your body and mind. Maybe it is a bed time routine, a way to cue your mind when it is time to rest and get sleepy. Whatever and whenever it may be, a ritual or routine can be a great way to connect with yourself better.

Why it works: I once heard: wherever we spend time, we invest it. Wherever we give our time, one of our most valuable and limited resources, is where we are investing ourselves. Rituals and routines are powerful placeholders in our fast- and faster- paced lives because they cause us to invest time in what sustains us, give us moments of pause and intention, and create structure around what we truly value and need.

 

3.     Move.

What it is: When I use the term movement, I use it very intentionally. I’m purposefully not using the world “exercise”, though that does fall under the umbrella of “movement”. Movement is anything from neck and shoulder rolls, to yoga, to Pilates, to stretching, to shaking, to dancing and all and everything else that you can do with your body!

Why it works: Finding joyful movement, moves that feel good, create feel good feelings, etc. is one of the body’s natural ways to process emotional energy and boost mood! Some movement is challenging and sweat-inducing, some movement is calm and relaxing, whatever your body needs and wants go for it! Remember to have fun with it, stay within your body’s limitations, and that you do not have to move if you do not want to!

 

4.     Use your breath.

What it is: Your breath is most often the most accessible way to connect with yourself—it’s always there. Connecting to yourself through your breath can happen many different ways:

  • simply noticing your breath as it is with no changes (the speed, depth, quality, sound, sensation, movement of body parts, temperature of the air, etc.)

  • deepening your inhales and exhales (counting can help you slow down your breathing and keep your mind busy)

  • adding a pause at the top or bottom of your breath (stopping when you’re full of air and stopping when your lungs are completely emptied. *not fully recommended for those who experience panic attacks or are triggered by holding their breaths.

Why it works: Your breath can tell you a lot about your current state of being. Is your system under stress? Are you scared…relaxed? Breathing is also a powerful tool in changing your current state of being. While breathing changes in response to your brain and body reacting to the environment or situation, it can also work in reverse – something called bidirectionality. Breathing signals your body and brain how to respond to the environment, too! By intentionally noticing and then deepening your breath, you are increasing awareness of your body’s response and are giving it a chance to change that response.

 

5.     Start a “Body Letters Series”.

What it is: When I was working in a higher-level of care eating disorder treatment center, we would have daily therapeutic groups for clients to learn (and unlearn) some things about their relationship to themselves along their recovery journey. One of the most powerful prompts we ever used around connecting people to their bodies is called “The Body Letters Series”. The prompt is this: write a letter to your Body. Then, have your Body write back. You can keep it going as long as you’d like, back and forth, back and forth.

Why it works: In dominant American culture, we are not taught to relate to our body as a being, instead it is a thing, object, project, toy, etc. When we change the way we relate to our body, we create so much more room for change within the relationship. And relationships include all types of feelings and thoughts: love, hate, ambivalence, grief… When we realize that our body has something to say, some wisdom to share with us, we are fundamentally changing how we relate to ourselves. The truth is our bodies have an ancient type of knowledge, one of instinct and intuition, of the intangible. This means that our bodies do not often speak in words, but in images, feelings, sensations, memories, pain, colors, temperature, movements, etc. Body Letters can be a start to allowing your Body the room to speak. Since words might be limited, then you might tweak the prompt and instead of writing a letter—you sit still and ask your body what it has to share with you. The more we do this, the better we can connect to this ancient somatic wisdom that is always with us, always a part of us.

 

6.     Validate yourself.

What it is: I’ve come across clients who were never given validation for their internal experience, who then never learned how to give themselves the validation they so desperately sought, that we all need. This is when I learned the importance of validation and the power of giving it to yourself.

How to validate: 1) acknowledge emotion/sensation/feeling/thought/whatever is part of your experience, 2) name or identify this experience (if you can, if not stay with it and go to next step) 3) say to yourself one or some of these phrases (or something like it):

  • “It makes sense that I am experiencing this (because…)”

  • “Wow, I’m having a hard time struggling with this.”

  • “This is hard.”/ This is scary. / This is overwhelming./ This is ____.”

  • “I’m experiencing a lot right now.”

Why it works: This 3-step validation process encourages us to acknowledge and accept our experience without trying to change it or berate ourselves for feeling it. This process allows space for self-compassion and self-kindness in the form of simple acceptance: This is what I’m feeling. This is ____. From here, we have more room to respond how we want to: with kindness, with comfort, with rest, with asking for help, etc. When we learn how to validate our own experience, we can become less desperate for others to meet that need for us and we get better at meeting it ourselves.

 

7.     Keep small promises to yourself & offer yourself what you need.

What it is: Connecting with yourself through keeping small promises or giving yourself what you need follows nicely after self-validation mentioned in #6. Keeping small promises to yourself builds self-trust. For example, maybe you know already that planning your meals helps you eat more consistently, then keeping the promise to meal plan is a way to take care of yourself and offer yourself what you need. Maybe you know that after you journal, you feel a release of emotion and you feel better, then keeping the promise to journal builds trust that you will do what you need when you need it. The possibilities are endless: going to bed at the time you set for yourself, giving yourself time to read or space out during your day, drinking enough water, it really doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is something you can reasonably offer yourself without getting caught up in the self-shame spiral of “I didn’t do it today”. Self-trust is also forgiving yourself and doing your best at the next opportunity.

Why it works: Your body, your psyche needs to know that you will listen and respond to its needs as they come to your attention. A lot of times we are not paying attention to our needs, physical or emotional or otherwise! Once we cultivate the awareness, we have the responsibility to ourselves to act in a way to meet these needs. If we don’t, bad things usually follow: somatic symptoms, pain, anxiety, depression, restlessness, illness, etc. etc. Needs can be small: drinking water, 3 meals a day, 20 minute naps or they can be abstract needs: purpose, direction, hope. The more practice we get at listening and following through with what we need, the more we connect to ourselves and the better we move through this world.

 

8.     Create a “Body Poem”.

What it is: Much like Body Letters, Body Poems are something I discovered in my own healing journey that allowed me to better connect to my body from a more body neutral capacity. Body Poems are poems, prose, or writings about each body part and what that body part has endured or how it functions to support you as a human being.

Why it works: Body Neutrality, the idea that we can relate to our bodies not for how they look or their shape or size but for what they can do, how they function, and how they support daily life. Body neutrality offers a different way to connect with ourselves, our bodies, that lies outside of the “you must love yourself and you are beautiful all the time and you should feel beautiful all the time because you are just the way you are” extreme body positivity culture. For some, that standard is just too far away and it creates shame and guilt in others. Body positivity is amazing! For some of us, body neutrality is also an amazing, hard-earned place to be at with ourselves. Body Poems allow us to really spend time with the separate parts of our bodies, diving into what they hold for us (memories, pain…) and what they do for us (breathe, lift, move, beat, embrace, rest, dance…).

 

9.     Try something new!

What it is: Could be anything! Try a new hobby, creative pursuit, a new outfit, a new game, a new skill, a new genre of book!

Why it works: Trying something new is a great way to discover parts of yourself you’ve not interacted with. When we face novel situations, we learn a lot about ourselves. We learn that we’re actually rather hard on ourselves and like to be too perfectionistic. We learn that we’re actually rather suited to embroidery or rock climbing. We learn how we fare through new challenges, hopefully earning a new sense of pride and confidence or learning to be okay with not being the best at everything.

 

10.  Go to therapy! :)

What it is: weekly, biweekly, monthly, etc. sessions with a mental health professional where you can work on challenges, practice new responses, create new insights, and acknowledge past dynamics. It’s a space to be heard, seen, understood, validated, and challenged.

Why it works: It’s the magic of therapy. It’s the deep healing that happens within a therapeutic relationship between two people willing to show up and see what happens. Therapy can be what you make it, and you only get out what you put in. Therapy is an excellent tool for connecting better with yourself and with others. If you’re thinking this might be the time for you to start therapy, click here to inquire about our team’s availability!

 

***Disclaimer: Some of these 10 ideas for connecting with yourself could connect you to some deep pain or trauma in working with your body or self in a new way. If this is the case, please stop or take it slow, know that you do not have to do this alone, and seek out help from a professional.

10 Tips for Soothing Anxiety With a Mask On

Wearing a mask is mandatory in Washington state as of last Friday. Most of us have been wearing them before this anyway, and if you haven't, get on that now. While you're at it, make a few calls to demand the arrest of the officers that killed Breonna Taylor.

Masks reduce the possibility of the spread of COVID massively. They are also hard to breathe in.

I often use my breath as a primary tool to soothe myself when I get anxious. And anxiety abounds these days. You know, anxiety, like...when you walk into a grocery store trying to get through it as fast as you can and a bunch of other people with masks reminding you that you live in 2020 and you're trying not to touch anything or touch your face or get too close or wonder is that box going to give me the virus and also systemic oppression and murder of Black people by police and am I doing enough and my personal mental health concerns and...you know. There's ANXIETY.

Anyway. What I'm trying to say is that a deep breath would usually help, but not right now. (Taking action about the things we care about helps) and also you may need to use other skills to soothe the anxiety that you're holding in your body.

Other skills that might help soothe anxiety with a mask on:

  • Feel the movement of your legs

  • Notice the crinkles of a smile at the edges of people's eyes

  • Hug yourself

  • Tap your fingers in a rhythm

  • Squeeze and release your hands

  • Press your feet into the ground

  • Roll your neck and/or shoulders

  • Place your hand on your chest and feel your heartbeat

  • Hold something cold in your hands

  • Alternate tapping your feet

What helps you soothe when the breath doesn't?