how to choose a therapist

How Riverbank Therapy Got Its Name

by Founder, Toni Aswegan, LMHC, NCC

It is surprisingly difficult to name a therapy practice. When I started Riverbank Therapy, I knew I wanted to expand into a group practice and so I did not want to name it “Toni Aswegan Therapy”. That makes no sense if other therapists would also be working in the practice in the future (which, they are! This team is kickass). I wanted to find a name for the practice that would be encompassing of all sizes of the practice, and that reflected the type of work we do here.

I also didn’t want it to be cheesy AF.

My partner and I sat at dinner for a month throwing words back and forth:

“Rise”…

“Thrive”…

”Evolve”…

all the words you might associate with the therapy process.

Also, all words that felt meaningless and corny to me (no shade at practices with these names, they just don’t feel authentic to me or how I practice therapy).

So, in a last ditch effort to find a good name, I went to my trusty bookshelf. I read voraciously, especially books about therapy, human development, mindfulness, and emotions. I keep all of the books I’ve read related to my work on my office bookshelf, and often reference my notes and highlights in those books.

In the search for a name, I pulled down the books that had the biggest impact on my therapy style and my own personal growth.

Books like the Body Keeps the Score, Trauma Stewardship, and, Wherever You Go, There You Are.

I started flipping through pages, and reading the excerpts I had underlined.

In writing this blog post I went back through several of those books to find the exact quote that inspired me, but alas, I could not find it again! It must have truly been kismet that I found it once and not again.

 In any case, one of the underlined sections described mindfulness practice as sitting on the banks of a river, watching the current go by, carrying sticks and leaves with it, but staying grounded and steady on the riverbank.

It was perfect. Riverbank Therapy.

As a long time meditator, and a therapist who brings mindfulness practices into sessions with clients, this was it. A metaphor for being present, observing, and not being swept up by the currents. Not only is that what I do as a therapist, it’s what I support my clients in learning how to do with their own emotions, and is much of the magic of the therapy process.

Not to mention, “Riverbank” didn’t sound cheesy to me. A win all around.

So, there you have it! Riverbank Therapy. Mindfulness, grounded-ness, presence.

If you want to work with one of our therapists, head to our contact form and we’ll get your free 20 minute consultation scheduled. Like I said, we have a RAD team of therapists here, and our intake coordinator can help you find the best fit.

How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

Common questions I hear about therapy:

Where to start and how to know what you talk about?

In short, start anywhere! Talk about anything!

Most therapists will somewhat guide the first few sessions. They’ll likely ask what motivated you to start therapy, what your present concerns are, and go from there. I love to get a life timeline from new clients so I can get a sense of you in context of your whole life, while other therapists focus more on what’s happening in the present/near past.

One of my mottos in therapy is that “everything is everything” so anywhere you start will get you somewhere useful. Usually the most important thing will bubble up if you just start talking.

How do I open up if I’m not used to being vulnerable with people?

Therapy does require some vulnerability and openness. You’re going to have to talk about yourself. If this isn’t something you’re used to doing, that’s okay! There are some clients who come to therapy ready to talk and spend the whole session filled with words. Others are more reserved or more quiet in session. If this is you, your therapist will sense this and likely ask you more questions. You might also tell your therapist that you have a hard time opening up, and ask them to direct the process a little bit more until you become more comfortable. It can take time to build up the trust needed to be vulnerable and open with your therapist, and this is totally okay. Take your time, we have to earn your trust.

What if I have a challenge between sessions but feel fine on the day of my session?

This is so common! A few thoughts:

-bring up the challenge anyway. Often, it can be useful to explore an issue when it’s “cold” rather than “hot” because you have a different or clearer perspective.

-bring up something that you don’t usually get to talk about. Therapy isn’t always about day to day struggles, it can also be about processing the past, exploring an aspect of your identity, etc. So if you come into therapy on a good day, you and your therapist can brainstorm about things you’ve pinned in the past that might be useful to dig around. Sometimes these end up being the BEST sessions.


Other tips that will help you get the most out of the therapy process:

Do your homework! I almost always give something to my clients to do between sessions--whether it's reflect on something, journal about something, or try something new. The clients who get the most out of the process are the ones who actively do their homework. Remember--the therapy hour is only 1 of 168 hours in a week. If you want change to happen, you have to apply the therapy work in the other 167 hours!

Be honest and specific with your therapist. It can be difficult to work on an issue if we are constantly talking about it only a conceptual level. Bring in specific examples where this issue showed up, how you were feeling, what you were thinking about, what triggered that emotion, etc. As you build awareness in therapy, this will get easier. It can be helpful to make notes between sessions and come into your session with a few things you'd like to talk about.

Tell your therapist what is and isn't working. Give feedback! This process is FOR YOU, so if something isn't working, if you want to do more of something else, if you're upset at your therapist, say something! This feedback is hugely helpful for you and your therapist to make sure the process is tailored to you.

Take an experimental, curious attitude. Try something before you say "this won't work for me". See how it fits! If something doesn't work well for you, examine with your therapist what didn't work about it. Even when tools don't work, that's great information for the therapy process. Being specific about what you tried, when, and how it felt can help you and your therapist hone in on the tools that WILL work for you!

Be patient and kind with yourself. Shame gets in the way of each of the recommendations above. Give yourself credit for showing up for yourself, for taking care of yourself, and for doing what you can to make changes. Ask your therapist what changes they're seeing in you--often they might see things that you don't. Make time to give yourself kudos for doing the damn thing!

Want more? I answer these questions in more detail, and other questions on the podcast! Access the Toni Talks Therapy podcast anywhere you get your podcasts!

Types of Trauma Therapy

Before I talk about types of trauma therapy, I’d like to address a question I get often:

what is "healed trauma"?


First, the word "healed" is tricky. It implies a complete end point, a place where the thing is over and we are done with it. These things don't happen. No matter how "healed" we are from anything, we will always be impacted by it. By no means does this mean we cannot heal trauma. It's just important to acknowledge that we cannot completely eradicate the lasting effects of trauma. That being said, we can CHANGE them.

While trauma is "unhealed", survivors may experience flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, negative thoughts about themselves, feeling unsafe (in the world and in their own body), difficulty trusting, among other things. All of these experiences contribute to a feeling that *trauma* is in charge and is running your life. Trauma decides whether and where you go outside your house. Trauma decides whether and when you remember. Trauma decides whether, when and with whom you feel safe.

First and foremost, healing trauma is putting yourself back in the driver's seat. It is releasing trauma as the primary narrative of your life. There's a great quote from Michael Rosenthal:

“trauma creates change you don’t choose, healing is about creating change you do choose.”

I love this. Trauma healing is about empowerment. Regaining control where you didn't have it before, while also realizing that you'll never have full control of everything.

Trauma healing is about re-learning how to feel safe in your body, and in the world. It is about soothing and rewiring your nervous system. Healing is embodying an authentic sense of self, defined by YOU. It is living with purpose, meaning and connection.

And this healing is totally available to you. I know it.

So, how do we heal from trauma?

There are a million ways to heal trauma--and not one of them is the single “correct” way to go about healing. Different things work for different people, and I want to be clear that psychotherapy is only one factor in trauma healing. A short and incomplete list of other things that support trauma healing includes: social justice, supportive relationships, financial stability and a sense of purpose.

When it comes to therapy though, there are a lot of different approaches to treating trauma. Most therapists you meet will have an eclectic approach, meaning they will blend techniques and interventions from various different theoretical approaches. It's great to ask your therapist what approaches they draw from and what that means for your treatment.

Here are *a few* of the trauma treatment modalities you might run into:

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (created by Pat Ogden): This is a type of therapy that believes that we store trauma in our bodies through procedural/implicit memory. When trauma becomes PTSD, it is (in part) because our active mobilizing defenses like fight/flight get truncated or are incomplete and subsequently get trapped in the body. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy interventions support regulating autonomic nervous system dysregulation, and help move that truncated defensive response through the body in a mindful way. This expands the window of tolerance and increases embodiment, empowerment and a sense of groundedness. A very similar approach is Somatic Experiencing (created by Peter Levine).

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing; created by Francine Shapiro): EMDR also believes that trauma gets trapped in the body, along with deeply held negative beliefs about self and the world. This can lead to phobic avoidance of traumatic memory which is associated with symptoms of distress like intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance of triggers, and negative thoughts about self. EMDR uses bilateral sensory stimulation (visual by tracking moving fingers or a light bar, or tactile, typically using light buzzers in each hand), memory recall, and grounding resources to reduce distress and desensitize clients to the traumatic memory.

TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): This therapy asks, what negative beliefs or stories are you telling yourself as a result of the trauma? Examples: the world is not safe, this is all my fault, all people are dangerous. TF-CBT focuses on these thoughts and emotions to challenge these beliefs through both thought challenging and behavioral action.

[Personally, I like to use this in conjunction with SP so we can get at both the thoughts and body memories associated with trauma.]

Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE): This is quite similar to phobia treatment. The idea is that we become phobic of traumatic memory, and that avoidance of the memory creates greater distress and exacerbates other symptoms of PTSD. PE therapists will help you create a list of graduated exposures (starting with least triggering to most triggering) to practice approaching triggers while using skills to regulate emotion. In PE therapy, you will also tell the story of your trauma repeatedly, again, to desensitize to the trauma memory. 

I won’t speak necessarily to the pros and cons of each type of treatment, because it really depends on the client, type of trauma, and clinician’s experience and training. What is most important when working through trauma in therapy is that you find a therapist you feel safe with, who can explain their treatment frame to you, and that their treatment frame resonates for you. If these factors are in place, then likely any of these modalities are likely to be effective for you.

There are also quite a few therapies that don’t necessarily conceptualize trauma specifically in their literature, but are still quite supportive in healing from trauma. These include:

-Yoga therapy

-DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)

-CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

-ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

-IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy)

This is by no means a comprehensive list. The treatment frames listed above are ones that I have training in or am familiar with enough to be able to speak on them. There is no one right way to treat trauma, it's about finding what works for you. As I said before, healing is totally available to you. I know it.

How to Recognize a Trauma-Informed Therapist

What the heck is "trauma informed" therapy? You've probably heard this phrase thrown around a lot lately. It's becoming a thing--which is freakin' GREAT! It's also pretty ill-defined, so here's my take.

As a note, ALL THERAPY SHOULD BE TRAUMA INFORMED. So I'm really just describing good therapy here I guess…

Trauma informed therapy co-creates an environment in which you can access a feeling of safety. This doesn't mean you'll feel safe 100% of the time, and that's okay. It just means that safety, feel safe, is a primary goal between you and your therapist.

To me, this means orienting the room so that clients can easily leave if they need to. It means orienting clients to how much time we have. It means using my language intentionally. It means clearly sharing expectations and boundaries of the therapeutic relationship and maintaining them. It means showing up honestly and authentically, being trustworthy and transparent.

Trauma informed therapists understand the impact of trauma on the body, nervous system, emotions and thoughts. They understand trauma on both an individual and systemic level. They acknowledge racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, etc. as experiences of trauma, and actively work to be allies to marginalized communities and support clients in processing their histories of discrimination and prejudice. They empower clients through choice and collaboration.

Being trauma informed means that we understand that symptoms and behaviors arise as survival mechanisms of trauma, rather than pathologies or problems. We understand that these skills worked at the time of trauma, but are no longer serving you. We work to find your strengths and collaborate to find resources for you to regulate your emotions and body responses so that you can make more life-affirming choices in the present, rather than responding as if you are still in the trauma.

Trauma informed therapy comes primarily from a place of compassion and belief in your resilience. YOU SURVIVED YOUR TRAUMA AND THAT IS A TESTAMENT TO YOU.

How to recognize a trauma informed therapist:

-They won't blame you for what happened to you;

-They will help you understand how your symptoms or behaviors are connected to what happened to you;

-They will explore with you the impacts of systemic oppression, prejudice and discrimination, and be an ally to marginalized communities;

-They will help you find your strengths to cope, soothe and regulate;

-They will be trustworthy, transparent and clear about their boundaries;

-They will collaborate with you, offer you choices, and respect the ones you make;

-They won't define you by your trauma, but will see you as a WHOLE PERSON.

Even if you aren’t going to therapy specifically to work through trauma or PTSD, it’s important to have a trauma-informed therapist. These characteristics enhance and enrich the therapy process regardless of why you’re there.

All of our therapists at Riverbank Therapy are trauma-informed. Fill out our contact form here and we’ll get you booked for a free 20 minute consultation!

Want to hear more on this topic? Listen to the Toni Talks Therapy podcast episode 4!

How To Start Therapy

Have you been wanting to start therapy, but aren’t sure how to get started? It can unfortunately be a daunting and anxiety-provoking process. I’m here with some tips to make the process a little bit more clear, so you can go into it empowered!

Step 1: Begin your search.

The easiest way to find a therapist is to do a search online. Go to psychologytoday.com and search for your area (ex: “Seattle, WA” or your zip code “98107”). You can filter by specialty area, therapy style and more.

You can also call your insurance and get their provider list for your area. This is great if you know you need to see someone who is in-network with your insurance. If you go this route, I would still recommend searching through those therapists’ profiles online to see who resonates with you. This way you don’t end up with a random person just because they take your insurance, but actually end up with a therapist who works for what you’re looking for!

Another great option to find a therapist is to ask your doctors, friends or coworkers if they have any recommendations. And, if you happen to be lucky enough to have a therapist as a friend ;) you could ask them for referrals as well. Trust me, I’m giving referrals to friends all the dang time! I love doing it.

You can check out Riverbank’s clinicians profiles as well! Dana and Emily are both accepting new clients.

Step 2: You’ve narrowed down your list to a few therapists that you feel drawn to…now it’s time to schedule consultations.

Most therapists offer a free 20-30 minute consultation either by phone or in office. This helps both you and the therapist decide if it will be a good fit. If it is, great! You’ll schedule an intake session and get going! If it's not a good fit, you can ask that therapist for referrals and they can help point you in a different direction.

When you’re reaching out to schedule consultations, know that a lot of therapists won’t have openings for new clients. This can be frustrating, but I want to acknowledge that it’s a part of the process. Usually when my schedule is full, I’ll still offer referrals to new clients who reach out. I’d encourage you to ask for this, especially if it’s a therapist you really wanted to work for. Likely, the people they know and like who they refer you to are clinicians that are pretty similar to them :)

Step 3: Okay, so you’ve got a consultation scheduled! What the heck do you say?!

Share a bit about why you’re seeking counseling. Keep in mind that you only have 20 minutes, so this is not the time for your entire life story (that comes later!). This is the Cliffsnotes version. Ex: “I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since my teen years, and recently it’s gotten worse since I’ve accepted a new job in a new city. I’d like to work on some coping skills for anxiety, and especially around making new friends in Seattle.” Your therapist will likely ask a few more questions about your life and why you’re coming to therapy, but something brief is good for now!

The consultation meeting is a perfect time to ask questions of the therapist, which will help YOU determine if they’re a good fit for you. As a therapist, I don’t want this process to be hidden behind the curtain--I strive for transparency and clarity, because that will make the process that much easier for the both of us! I love these kinds of questions from potential new clients (and current clients for that matter!)

Questions to ask:

-What are your areas of specialty? (Depression, anxiety, trauma, body image, etc).

-What theories do you work from in therapy (CBT, DBT, ACT, somatic, etc.) Ask them to explain what these mean for therapy and how they implement them.

-How often will we meet, and what is your schedule?

-What will a typical session look like?

-What are your fees? Are you covered by my insurance? If not, will you submit out of network bills or provide me a superbill?

Step 4: Check in with yourself.

The most important questions you can ask after a consultation are to yourself. Do I like this person? Do I feel comfortable with them? Do I feel heard and understood? Most of all, get a feel for the therapist's personality and energy. If it resonates with you, they're probably a good fit. If you feel uncomfortable (more than expected when going to therapy for the first time), then it's probably a signal that it's not a great fit.

The therapist will not be offended if you choose not to work with them! Sometimes it takes several consultations to find the right fit. Know that it’s a process of shopping around, and be patient with it. You have the right to choose your provider, and therapy will work best when you work with someone who is a good fit.

After a consultation, you’ll schedule an intake appointment with the therapist you’ve chosen to work with. Prior to or at your intake session, you’ll sign some paperwork with your counselor and then you’ll get started!

Going to therapy is fantastic and will help you grow in big ways, so take the time up front to find a provider that works for you!

Want to schedule a consultation with one of our therapists? Email us to schedule a consultation here!