6 Steps to Build Stress Resilience

We can build resilience to stress, through daily practices that seem hella boring, but work.

These practices help widen your window of tolerance. They help support your nervous system's capacity to cope. They help raise your threshold for stressful shit. They help you recover more effectively after stressful shit.

SLEEP: have a bedtime routine. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Drink bedtime tea. Turn off screens an hour before bed. Use yoga nidra to fall asleep if you're struggling.

WATER: Have a cup near you most of the day. Set reminders to drink a cup every hour.

FOOD: Eat enough and often. Let yourself snack. Release the idea that a "salad" is the only healthy option. Sometimes emotional eating is okay. Be mindful and compassionate with yourself around food.

CONNECT: Call your friends. Text one person daily. Set up virtual hangouts. Reach out, even if you don't know what to say or if you'll get a response. Connection keeps us sane.

MOVEMENT: Find movement that releases stress. This might be exercise. It might be dance, sex, walking, yoga, stretches between meetings, who knows! Find ways to move that feel good.

NATURE: Look out the window for 10 minutes. Check in with your indoor plant friends. Go outside if you can. We are not made for screens. Nature regulates the nervous system.

What helps you build stress resilience? Where do you need some attention?

Want to hear more about stress? Listen to this weeks podcast episode! We'll talk about what stress is, how it impacts your body, how to recognize when stress is present, how to build stress resilience, and tools you can use right now to release stress.

Thoughts On Why Masks and Phone Calls Are Anxiety-Provoking

Anyone else super anxious when making a phone call? 

Up until I started my own business, I used to have to hand the phone off to someone else to order pizza, make an appointment, etc, because I was too anxious to be on the phone with a stranger. I have heard this over and over again from other people, too. Phone calls are so stressful.

Now that I have some background in how our nervous system functions, I have a theory (emphasis on *theory*, I could be wrong) as to WHY this is the case for so many of us.

It's the same theory for why talking to people with masks on might be creating social stress (other than the obvious stress of living in a pandemic time...P.S. WEAR A MASK).

You've heard about the window of tolerance, also called the social engagement system. (and if you haven't, scroll around my page a bit and you'll find old posts about it). This is governed primarily by the ventral vagal complex (VVC), a big ol' nerve system that runs from the base of your skull all over your face and ears and throat, into your heart and lungs and guts (it's a big one, friends).

The VVC keeps your heart rate regulated. It helps you tune your ears to hear the frequency of human voices over other sounds. It helps you create and appropriately read facial expressions, by noticing the crinkles at the edges of eyes, the shape of someone's mouth, how much teeth are showing, if their nose is moving, crinkled, etc.

When we're able to read facial expressions, we can feel safer knowing whether a person is friendly or aggressive, sad or angry or pleased...in other words--feeling safe is connected to knowing how the other person feels and what their relationship is to us...which is all deeply connected to our ability to see their face. 

Well guess what?! The phone obscures all of the facial expression information. Masks obscure fully two thirds of this information.

We're missing the usual information we would use to help determine safety and how to act in relationship. Anxiety and stress in these situations is NORMAL.**

For those with a history of trauma, this stress might be even more acute and distressing.

Does this resonate with you? Let me know your thoughts!

**WEAR A MASK ANYWAY I'm just validating one potential reason why we might feel more dysregulated lately.

10 Tips for Soothing Anxiety With a Mask On

Wearing a mask is mandatory in Washington state as of last Friday. Most of us have been wearing them before this anyway, and if you haven't, get on that now. While you're at it, make a few calls to demand the arrest of the officers that killed Breonna Taylor.

Masks reduce the possibility of the spread of COVID massively. They are also hard to breathe in.

I often use my breath as a primary tool to soothe myself when I get anxious. And anxiety abounds these days. You know, anxiety, like...when you walk into a grocery store trying to get through it as fast as you can and a bunch of other people with masks reminding you that you live in 2020 and you're trying not to touch anything or touch your face or get too close or wonder is that box going to give me the virus and also systemic oppression and murder of Black people by police and am I doing enough and my personal mental health concerns and...you know. There's ANXIETY.

Anyway. What I'm trying to say is that a deep breath would usually help, but not right now. (Taking action about the things we care about helps) and also you may need to use other skills to soothe the anxiety that you're holding in your body.

Other skills that might help soothe anxiety with a mask on:

• Feel the movement of your legs

• Notice the crinkles of a smile at the edges of people's eyes

• Hug yourself

• Tap your fingers in a rhythm

• Squeeze and release your hands

• Press your feet into the ground

• Roll your neck and/or shoulders

• Place your hand on your chest and feel your heartbeat

• Hold something cold in your hands

• Alternate tapping your feet

What helps you soothe when the breath doesn't?