Current Events

How Therapy and Politics Are Related

(by Toni Aswegan, LMHC)

THERAPY IS POLITICAL.

We can and should and must talk about politics, as therapists. Not in every single individual therapy session, but as therapists we have an ethical duty to be engaged politically, and address barriers that impact our clients’ well-being. Its part of our ethics code (ACA code section A.7.a).

One of many reasons I say therapy is political is that there are 3 different realms where trauma healing happens:

1) Auto-regulation, or self-regulation. This is stuff you do on your own to care for yourself. This is deep breathing, going on a run, listening to music, eating a snack, laying on the ground, practicing self-compassion, meditation, journaling, dancing. Really anything you do on your own that helps soothe your stress response is considered “self-regulation”.

2) Co-regulation. This is stuff you do with other people to care for and with each other. Getting a hug, having a good conversation, laughing, playing with your dog, looking at someone else’s eyes, being told you are loved. These moments of connection in safe relationships regulates your nervous system differently than when you are on your own.

3) JUSTICE. Some call it social justice, but Rev angel kyodo williams has said that all justice is social, so let's just call it justice. We can build safety through self- and co-regulation, BUT IF OUR BODIES ARE NOT OBJECTIVELY SAFE IN THE WORLD, healing is so much more difficult. I don't want you to regulate your nervous system to adapt to oppressive systems and circumstances. Those circumstances need to change. Until black and brown bodies, womxn bodies, trans bodies, queer bodies, Jewish bodies, larger bodies and disabled bodies are safe in the world, we cannot focus only on self and co-regulation as a path to healing. We have to actively work to make the world 1) a place where less injury and trauma happen in the first place, and 2) a place where people can heal and feel safe.

This is not the job of those who experience a lack of safety through oppression and discrimination. This is on those of us with privilege and power.

Healing work is justice work. Therapy is political.

When I say "therapy is political", I do NOT mean:

-we talk about politics all the time in therapy (unless it's a goal of yours);

-we talk about politics if my clients don't want to;

-we try to convince clients to vote in a particular way.

When I say "therapy is political", I mean:

-your mental health is impacted by the systems you live within, and healing is not an entirely individual process;

-we will acknowledge the impact of those oppressive systems in your therapy process;

-if appropriate and agreed upon between therapist and client, we will discuss ways to challenge those systems and ways to continue to live as safely as possible within them;

-as a therapist, we fight, outside the therapy room, to create social change and justice (because it is the right thing to do, and also because that supports change inside the therapy room).

This shows up differently in every therapy session, for every therapist and every client. It shows up differently for every therapist even outside of the therapy room. But, therapy and politics are certainly intertwined.

Election Stress

We need a plan to cope with the election. It's going to be stressful, probably no matter what happens.

Questions for you to reflect on in the days leading up to and on election day:


On the news:

-how does reading/watching the news impact your thoughts, emotions and body?

-which news consumption platforms create the most and least stress? (TV news, newspapers, websites)

-which news outlets create the most and least stress? (CNN, NBC, Fox, NYTimes, local news outlets, etc.)

-how much time is too much time interacting with the news? how do you know when you've hit your limit? (body reaction, intense emotion, etc)

-how might you interact with the news for the next week in a way that keeps you informed but doesn't suck you into a doom spiral? It's going to be stressful as a baseline, so how you can interact in a way that cares for yourself within that stress?


On polls:

-if you read poll data, how does that impact your thoughts, emotions and body?

-what stories do you tell yourself after looking at polls?

-is that helping? hurting? how does looking at this data serve you?


On social media:

-what is your relationship with social media relating to politics?

-leading up to the election, how might you use social media to encourage people to turn out and vote?

-how do you know when you've been on social media too much? When this happens, how can you disengage and what else can you spend time doing?


On election day:

-how do you want to spend election day/night?

-Do you want to watch the vote counts come in live on TV? Or maybe do something else and check in with results periodically?

-We may not know the official results on election night. What time will you go to bed? What will help you get to sleep?

-Who can you be with, virtually or in person, for support the day of and days after?

Thoughts On Why Masks and Phone Calls Are Anxiety-Provoking

Anyone else super anxious when making a phone call? 

Up until I started my own business, I used to have to hand the phone off to someone else to order pizza, make an appointment, etc, because I was too anxious to be on the phone with a stranger. I have heard this over and over again from other people, too. Phone calls are so stressful.

Now that I have some background in how our nervous system functions, I have a theory (emphasis on *theory*, I could be wrong) as to WHY this is the case for so many of us.

It's the same theory for why talking to people with masks on might be creating social stress (other than the obvious stress of living in a pandemic time...P.S. WEAR A MASK).

You've heard about the window of tolerance, also called the social engagement system. (and if you haven't, scroll around my page a bit and you'll find old posts about it). This is governed primarily by the ventral vagal complex (VVC), a big ol' nerve system that runs from the base of your skull all over your face and ears and throat, into your heart and lungs and guts (it's a big one, friends).

The VVC keeps your heart rate regulated. It helps you tune your ears to hear the frequency of human voices over other sounds. It helps you create and appropriately read facial expressions, by noticing the crinkles at the edges of eyes, the shape of someone's mouth, how much teeth are showing, if their nose is moving, crinkled, etc.

When we're able to read facial expressions, we can feel safer knowing whether a person is friendly or aggressive, sad or angry or pleased...in other words--feeling safe is connected to knowing how the other person feels and what their relationship is to us...which is all deeply connected to our ability to see their face. 

Well guess what?! The phone obscures all of the facial expression information. Masks obscure fully two thirds of this information.

We're missing the usual information we would use to help determine safety and how to act in relationship. Anxiety and stress in these situations is NORMAL.**

For those with a history of trauma, this stress might be even more acute and distressing.

Does this resonate with you? Let me know your thoughts!

**WEAR A MASK ANYWAY I'm just validating one potential reason why we might feel more dysregulated lately.

Online Counseling Tips for Clients and Therapists

Telehealth is a huge shift for most of us—clients and therapists alike. Here are som tips for you as a client during telehealth sessions:

  • change your mindset: online therapy can be equally as helpful as in person sessions. It’s new, and might feel uncomfortable at first, but this doesn’t mean it won’t be useful to you.

  • be as close to your internet router as possible to prevent connectivity issues

  • find a private space with a closed door

  • create a physical environment that feels safe and comfortable

  • boundaries--share visually only what you want to share of your home, this can be a little or a lot. You might want your therapist to see your whole living room and meet your dog, or you might want to sit down in a nondescript corner to keep the boundaries more clear and separated. Up to you!

  • close other open windows on your computer and put your phone away & on silent to minimize distraction

  • put a post-it note over your face if it's distracting to see yourself

  • talk with your therapist about what happens if you get disconnected

  • know that it might feel different than in person, and that's okay

  • get comfortable with silences, they are just like in office; you don't have to always fill space.

  • bring up discomfort with the change, process with your therapist how it's impacting your experience

The tips for therapists are really similar, below are the ones that are additional or different:

  • change your mindset: online therapy can be equally as helpful. Almost any therapy modality can be adapted to online sessions (I’m speaking from experience here—I’m a somatic therapist and online work for this can be challenging when I can’t see my client’s entire body, can’t feel their breath as I can in office, etc; but I have been able to find ways to adapt it to online. Anything is possible if we get creative).

  • find a private space with a closed door, add a sound machine if you can, especially if you're at home

  • create a physical environment that feels similar to your office. This can help with getting you into your procedural learning for “therapy session” and get into “therapist mode”. Honestly, I can’t do this if I’m in my PJs or sweatpants. I dress like I’m going to work (which is actually pretty casual), so that I feel as similar to in-person sessions as possible.

  • boundaries--share visually only what you want to share of your home. It can be uncomfortable to bring our clients into our homes, even if virtually, because we work hard to “not bring the work home” with us. Figure out a way to set these physical or energetic boundaries with virtual sessions.

  • call your clients' insurance to double check coverage. Most carriers have the same coverage for telehealth as in-person sessions, but some process the claims differently. Check with your clients’ carriers so that you can be clear with them about potential cost and coverage changes.

  • make sure your clients know what happens if you get disconnected. My rule of thumb is to call them on their cell phone, troubleshoot video issues, and if we can’t resolve them we finish the session by phone. Talk with your clients about what they would prefer if you get disconnected.

  • tell your client about what might feel different about online sessions, check in with them about all of the above. If you’re new to doing online sessions, be transparent about the fact that you’re adjusting to this new thing together.

  • be ready to process attachment and relationship changes that might come up in session. Clients might feel less connected to you, less seen by you, or on the other side, they might feel TOO see by being on video, or might feel their space being intruded upon. Be mindful of this, name it if it comes up, and be ready to process it.

  • give yourself longer breaks between sessions to move your body and to look away from a screen. Please take care of yourself! I’m finding that doing online sessions is more exhausting and my eyes get really tired. Time away from my screen and moving my body, along with longer breaks between sessions and less clients per day (when possible) has been really helpful.

I’d love to hear from you—either as a client or a therapist—how are you adjusting to online sessions? How is it feeling? What did I miss?

Interested in teletherapy during the pandemic? We are taking on new clients! Head to our contact page to reach out, let us know what you’re looking for, and we’ll fit you with one of our fantastic therapists.

3 Benefits of Acceptance

Acceptance is hard work. Especially during trying times like these.

But, the truth is, we suffer when we don't accept reality as it is. And to be clear, acceptance doesn't mean approving of reality--it just means seeing reality clearly. When you're suffering, you are saying it must be otherwise immediately, or ruminating on how awful it is, or beating yourself up for feeling a certain way about it. I'd put money on this making you feel worse. More angry, more anxious, more shame, more defeated.

It's because you are fighting reality. It's because you're trying to tell yourself that you shouldn't feel this way and to feel other than you feel. This is invalidation at it's most painful. It takes the pain you are already feeling--depression, anxiety, fear, dissatisfaction with your life--and multiplies it by 100. Because now you're feeling the pain of the initial emotion or event, and ALSO the pain of telling yourself how bad it is, how you should feel differently, and how wrong you are for feeling it.

Suffering, right now, might look like “I hate this. I’m sick of being stuck at home. I should feel grateful because others are suffering more than I am. I should be super productive right now. I shouldn’t feel so anxious and afraid. This is never going to end.”

Acceptance, on the other hand, is acknowledging what IS. Years ago, when I was first grappling with acceptance, I wrote the definition in my journal. "To believe or come to recognize as valid or correct." Now, correct does not mean "right" or "good". To me, it just means "true". Acceptance is just seeing the truth of reality.

Acceptance might sound like “this is a collective trauma and it hurts.”

Acceptance helps you:

1) Validate your emotional experience. As it relates to the virus, it makes hella sense why you're afraid, angry, depressed and worried. These are appropriate emotional responses to a global pandemic. You're allowed to feel how you feel. Let's not judge ourselves for having feelings. Acceptance does not mean you are *approving* of the feeling, it just means you're naming it for what it is without all the other junk attached.

2) Give yourself compassion. This is hard. You are not in this alone. What is happening is not okay, but it’s okay that it's hard. Like Brene Brown shared on her podcast recently, this is all of our fucking first time (FFT) in a pandemic. We’re doing our best. It's okay that you're not finishing every project that's been laying around your house. It's okay that you're not creating that masterpiece you've been considering. It's okay if you're eating emotionally, or irritable with your family. Again, all of this makes sense. None of us have been through this before, and it's okay to do what you need to manage and feel safe *enough* right now.

3) Take effective action. When we demand that reality be different than it is or refuse to accept it, we struggle to respond to reality as it is. Take our government, for example. Insisting that the virus "isn't that bad" slowed down the response and kept us from containing it as well as we could have. This is a story that got told: "it shouldn't be that bad, because that would be an awful thing for the economy, etc etc...", which drove an ineffective response. In comparison, if we could have recognized the reality as it is sooner, we would have had a more effective response. When we get the story and the judgement out of the way, we can be far more effective in our responses.

Again, acceptance is not condoning what you're feeling or resigning to the way things are. It is removing judgement so that you can chart a compassionate path forward. 

HOW? I hear you asking.

1) Notice when you're fighting reality. Begin to call attention to the signs that you’re not accepting reality. You'll probably notice physical tension, painful emotions arising, negative self-talk, and lots of stories about what should be happening.

2) Name what you're feeling, and the reality you are fighting. Name this objectively, as though you’re a completely impartial observer. This can help you recognize what is reality, and what is the story you’ve attached to it.

3) Turn your mind towards acceptance (this comes straight from DBT, my friends). Choose acceptance over and over and over again. I found mantras really helpful here. Write down daily the things you are trying to accept.

4) More self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others. My mantra here is “it makes sense that…”. It makes sense that I’m feeling afraid in the midst of a pandemic. It makes sense that I’m feeling more on edge. It makes sense that I’m feeling angry about the suffering in the world.

I’m working on this with you right now, fam, because I find myself doing a lot of what-if-ing and ruminating on how I should feel better about things by now. I’m practicing validation, meditation, connection and creating new routines to help me accept the reality of the moment.

How are you, can you, or will you practice acceptance today?