Anxiety

A Tool For Finding Comfort in Chaos

by Kelsi Davis, LICSWA

What is a Snapshot practice?

A snapshot is a journaling activity that aims to create or recreate a memory to ground yourself in the present moment. This activity can be utilized when you feel stressed, anxious, or frustrated. It is easy to get wrapped up in these strong emotions and feel stuck with them. The snapshot helps bring your focus to the present and allows time for reflection. This activity is not only grounding but can create a space for self-care.

This journaling activity is named after a quick informal photograph taken to capture a moment in time. Much like its name, this activity is done informally. You can take as little as five minutes or spend a whole hour writing out your snapshot. You can write one every day or write one when emotions are heightened. This is a personal and individualized practice.

How to Make Time?

There are not enough hours in the day to get everything done, and there is often a never-ending list of things to finish, so self-care needs to be intentionally set aside. Let’s set the scene for this journaling activity. Create a workspace that allows you to get into the mindset of self- compassion and emotional flexibility. This may look like deep breaths, going for a walk, yoga, etc.

The goal is to be comfortable in your environment. Be intentional with your time and create a space for yourself to feel. Then you can sit down and start to write or type (I like to put pen to paper). You may listen to music while you reflect or write in silence.

Why do this?

This practice may sound challenging to do when you are in a heightened place of emotion. If this is something that can’t be done in the moment of these heightened emotions, then you can set the intention to write a snapshot when you are in a good headspace. Then you can reflect on a finished journal entry when you are stressed or anxious. I suggest reading it out loud to yourself and using it as a tool to ground. It is like going to a happy place. This “happy place” can be hard to visualize, so writing can help ground your thoughts in a safe space of self-care and understanding. I often struggle to find time to fit this practice into my day. I set an intention to use this practice to remind myself to come back to it when I need it.

This is my guidance: celebrate the small moments. Self-care starts by creating space for yourself. Small things can bring joy, and we can relish in these moments.

What to Write About?

There are three paths (use one or all three!):

  1. Create a new memory. Take a walk, get outside, sit with your feelings, eat your favorite food, and then write about your experience. Again, this practice is personal.

  2. Think back to a memory and write about it in detail to help visualize the memory. An example of this: The first day you got a pet, your wedding day, a childhood memory that sticks out to you.

  3. Reflection: ground yourself in your environment and take time to notice and reflect on something soothing in your current space.

Example One (creating a new memory)

It was cool outside, about forty degrees. It was a quiet evening. There is always something running through my mind as I tend to overthink. Life is always happening around me. My mind, as I write this, is full of day-to-day stressors. As I stand outside, I think about money, bills, and my obligations as a professional, friend, and dysfunctional family member. I think about the never-ending appointments and meetings and responsibility. As I am standing outside, I dig my bare feet into the ground and feel the dirt between my toes. I stare into the sky illuminated by streetlights and breathe in crisp cool air. I often feel like my life is nothing but things that need to be done. I am nothing but a machine. Well, the societal expectation is always to be productive.

It can be hard to enjoy the moments I do have. To stand outside in the cool evening and I ground. I hear cars in the faint background and the pattering of tiny feet from what I can only assume to be a family of raccoons. After some time in the quiet, I sat on the cool, damp grass. I was not thrilled to have gotten my pajama bottoms wet. However, it did not seem to bother me. I just ended up laughing at myself. The goal at this moment was to fully indulge in my natural setting, even when surrounded by the city. Sitting on the damp grass, I felt raindrops hit my face as I gazed into the sky. The cold drips of rain continued to hit my skin, making me feel present in my moment. I created a space where I had no obligations except to care for myself for a few minutes. To be present, to feel one with the world around me, and live in that moment.

Example Two (memory)

It was snowing hard outside. I was visiting my parents for the holidays. A time of year that is honestly hard. I was trying to enjoy the time with my parents, but I needed some time alone and fresh air. I stepped outside. My skin was warm, so it melted quickly when the snowflakes fell on me. I felt calm amidst the chaos of holiday bickering. I walked down the large stairway in front of my parent’s home and looked at the large pine trees in their front yard. The snow glistened. It glowed in the starlight. All I could hear was the snow falling until I heard what sounded like a baby crying. I looked everywhere to find what was making these sounds. I circle the property and return to the front yard, where I had been looking at the trees. I looked down, and I saw a small black and white kitten. His eyes were not open, and he was ice cold but very much alive. I took him in. This moment led to many sleepless nights of caring for this kitten. That was six years ago. One day can change your life, and the day I found Cecil changed mine.

Example Three (reflection)

I have a small plant cohabitating in my small urban apartment. I enjoy watering it and ensuring it gets everything it needs to thrive. It made me think how all people need different things to thrive, just like plants have different needs. Learning what we need and making time to care for ourselves are discussed often in popular media. However, it is often passed over about how to incorporate the practice of self-nourishment into our day-to-day.

Putting this into Practice

As you can see in the three examples, the journaling activity can be long or short. It is a practice to make your own. It can be utilized in the heat of the moment, after a stressful event, in the middle of feeling anxious, on good days or bad days. It is a practice that can be implemented at any time. I have written them on my phone to use while waiting for a doctor’s appointment or for when I’m stressed at work. The key is to return to these snapshots and embrace the emotions presented in the exercise. This activity allows us to remember the small moments and find joy in the mundane or simple. This activity may be best utilized by those who enjoy journaling. However, this may also provide a structure to try a new way to cope with heightened emotions, so I challenge anyone to give it a shot. You might find a new strategy that you love to use!

“To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.” -Jill Bolte Taylor

We have several therapists with openings in their schedules right now. If you’d like to work with a Riverbank therapist, click here to fill out our contact form and our intake coordinator will help you get placed with the best fit!

5 Tools to Deal with Avoidance

By: Abby Lombardo, LMFT

An issue cropping up a lot in my work with folks in this season of the pandemic is avoidance.

Not wanting to do something, procrastinating on this thing, stressing over that thing, completely forgetting the other thing, until we are back at the beginning or something bad happens…like…a consequence for not getting this something done on time or …at all.

I’m not only talking about avoidance that shows up in our work or because of our daunting, never-ending to-do lists, but also the avoidance that results from wanting to push away emotional discomfort. Sometimes the two are deeply linked, more than we often think. This post will give you some tools for when it’s time to look yourself in the mirror and face what you’ve been avoiding, whatever that may be.

Here are some ideas inspired by my work with clients on the topic of avoidance:

1)      Explore what contributes to your desire to avoid.

It might be ironic, that in order to help your avoidance, you must stop avoiding the reason you are avoiding in the first place. Avoidance is often a coping skill, a strategy we use in the face of overwhelm, threat, insecurity, perfectionism, pressure, fear, etc.

It might be helpful to break down your experience to the simplest feeling word you can find. For example, I am afraid of what my boss will think of me if I send this email with an error. Therefore, I am avoiding sending this email until it feels perfect. Once you whittle it down to a basic emotion, it’s a bit easier to deal with than the layers and layers your thoughts and feelings about your feelings have added or even distracted from your original experience.

Discomfort is a common reason I’ve found amongst by own clients for why they avoid certain situations or tasks or conversations. The icky feeling they get deep down that something is not okay can often be a trigger for our nervous system’s stress response: fight, flight, flee, even fawn (neutralizing a threat by befriending it). When we avoid, we are often fleeing to get away from a stressor or threat. Our ancient evolutionary biological systems cannot often distinguish a true threat to our survival from a stressful experience.

For the average person in 2022, our day-to-day modern-day stressors do not usually include life or death situations. They mostly include chronic stressors that have to do with our jobs, our relationships, or our sense of self. If we can pinpoint how our avoidance is trying to serve us, as in, get us as far away from our stressor as possible, then we can learn to relabel these threats and recalibrate our response system. We can learn to soothe our nervous systems with mindful movement or self-care, teaching our brains that this task will not hurt me, this person’s opinion of me may sting yet it does not change who I am, this conversation is challenging, yet it is survivable.

 

Try asking yourself:

What am I truly avoiding?

Why am I avoiding that thing?

How is avoidance trying to serve me? Am I fleeing because my nervous system is activated and stressed?

Am I avoiding something because it makes me feel uncomfortable? Or another emotion?

What can I do with that emotion instead of avoiding it?

How can I soothe, self-care, or move my body to remind it I am safe and okay even if I am uncomfortable or stressed?

 

2)      Create a simulation in your mind.

This idea comes from the practice of exposure therapy for anxieties and phobias, as well as trauma. The idea is that you practice simulating in your mind the very thing you have a strong avoidance towards. If you are avoiding household chores that have gone neglected too long, you might imagine yourself taking the first step to get up and collect all the dishes to place them in the kitchen or collecting all the laundry needing to be done. The idea is that step-by-step your brain is getting used to the very thing it has been blocking out via avoidance.

The simulations work two-fold, 1) your brain literally practices the task even in your imagination, which makes it a bit easier to do the task in real life and helps you anticipate some difficulties you might have along the way 2) you are breaking down tasks into accessible steps, which makes the whole thing a little less daunting by the time you actually decide to approach the task in real life.

3)      Break down tasks

When we are overwhelmed, it is usually because we are feeling many things about one or several other things at the same time. My clients who live with ADD/ADHD have to make common use of the skill of breaking down tasks in order to make tasks more accessible to their brains. A helpful question my clients and I have landed on: What is the most accessible thing I can do right now that could help? Then do that. Doesn’t matter how small or ridiculous. For some, it’s standing up, collecting necessary materials, opening the computer, starting the document/email, writing down next steps…

4)      Color code tasks

Along with this idea of breaking down tasks, it can be helpful to have a system to code tasks or steps of tasks into green, yellow, red. Green, accessible now. Yellow, it’s doable but maybe a bit challenging for one reason or another. Red, feels very challenging at the moment. The idea is to start with the green tasks to build momentum and confidence. Then, if you still don’t feel up to the yellow or red tasks at a later time, you can learn to further break those down into green-coded tasks until those tasks feel more accessible.

5)      Organize/prioritize tasks

Great! You’ve learned why you’re avoiding something; you’ve imagined in your mind how to do the thing; you have the accessible steps all listed out. But wait, you have about 10 other tasks you need to repeat this process for, where do you even start in tackling them all? In comes the skill for organizing and prioritizing tasks. For my folks with ADD/ADHD, this is an important skill to learn to externally structure what their pre-frontal cortex (the area of executive functioning) does not. It is important to find a system that works and is intuitive for you, if you don’t like the process or the system you’re using, you won’t use it. Ultimately, find a system that helps you lay out everything you’re expecting of yourself to be done so you can catch early if it is an unrealistic expectation and also so you can prioritize which tasks to do first or in order. Think big picture first, then move into the details of each task once you’ve identified it as a task worth working on at this moment in time. Too often, we get sucked into the minutiae of the tasks that we forget to gain perspective on is this really what I need to be working on right now?

For my visual and tactile clients, I often suggest the use of a dry-erase board or sticky notes. Writing out your items for the day and then placing the one you are currently working on in the center of your workspace/visual field as a practical way to manage focus and keep up with real time prioritization. The other sticky notes can be swapped out at any time to be your “main focus sticky note,” so it is flexible often like our attention and daily demands. Steps can be written on the front of the sticky note or on the back to help with traction towards a bigger item or goal.

Don’t forget a done pile! I encourage clients to have a moment of celebrating the doneness of a task, before skipping right to the next thing. This is an opportunity to “complete the stress cycle” by saying to yourself: you know that thing I was wildly stressed about before? I did what it took to complete this task. Yay me! I did it! It is an opportunity to build confidence and competence for future challenges, as well.

 

I hope this practical guide for how to work with your own avoidance feels accessible and applicable to what you find yourself avoiding, if not, stay tuned for Part 2 of this post. Remember that you’re in good company, which is why I felt inclined to write this post in the first place!

Take a moment to also remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got at this moment in time. If you feel that you might need more personalized help with your avoidance or notice your avoidance significantly impacting your functioning in different areas of your life: work, school, home, relationships, etc., then reach out to us and we will match you with a therapist available to help you address your avoidance more specifically.

5 More Tips for Times of Transition

By: Abby Lombardo, LMFT

If you missed part one of this post, head here to read it now

 

6. It’s OK to not be OK.

       The phrase “It’s OK to not be OK” is meant to normalize your experience, whatever the not okayness may be or may stem from. It is sad to me that we need these reminders, because the society we live in, in most of America, subscribes to this toxic positivity, good vibes only, put your best foot forward at all times, filtered social media persona… The messiness of our humanity is often experienced behind closed doors. And when that is the case, we often isolate ourselves further because of the lack of representation or the belief that no one else has moments like these, struggles like these. What I mean when I say it’s okay, is that it is NORMAL. It is part of the range of human experiences. Shit happens. Life happens. It is not a personal failing. You are not failing at life. When things become significantly distressing and cause bigger issues in our life, that’s a sign to address and work on some things, maybe with a therapist. Still, most of my sessions, despite the issue or diagnosis of the client, is about reminding people that what they are experiencing is valid, it makes sense, and it is a normal experience within the realm of human experiences. We often have to start there before we can get anywhere else.

What it’s OK to not be OK looks like:

Being sad.

Grieving.

Crying.

Hugging yourself.

Telling a friend how you’re truly doing.

Being vulnerable with your partner about your needs in the relationship.

Being messy.

Having a bad day.

Not feeling generous towards people.

Not wanting to say yes to things, people, events, invites…

Not wanting to smile.

Not forcing yourself to smile.

Taking a mental health/sick/self care day off from work.

Not liking yourself or how you look.

Feeling anxious

Feeling depressed.

 

7. Know when to take control and when to let go.

This is a common struggle I can highlight in my own life and the life of most of my clients: the struggle to know when to take control and when to just let a thing go. They are two very important skills. One, feeling empowered in your sense of agency and sense of self control in the world. Two, feeling the peace of knowing you’ve done all you can and it is now time to switch course, pivot, regroup, and proceed differently. The third skill is knowing how to discern when the situation calls for one or the other. So, how do you know when it’s time to take control and empower yourself to push through or to relinquish control and graciously surrender?

What taking control and letting go can look like:

Asking yourself:

What is my goal here?

Am I afraid of something happening if I let go of control?

       What do I have the ability to impact in this situation?

       What would accepting the situation do for me?

Realizing the limits of your own control.

Surrendering to the unknown mystery of life that cannot be controlled.

Practicing meditation.

Move your body, which can help regulate your nervous system and the intensity of the situation.

 

8. Connect with yourself.

The world is raging around you. Sometimes, you have nowhere else to go but inward. I encourage you to make a home within yourself. A retreat. A place where you can rest, gain insight, sit with what is, explore a new place through visualization, imagination, reading, curiosity. Cultivate connection with yourself in a way that becomes your best resource when everything around you feels too much or too out of control. In order to do this, we often have to shine a light on all the shadowy corners of our selves we’d really rather not have to face. These are the most important places we can go in order to befriend ourselves. When we can engage the parts of ourselves we deem unworthy, shameful, or unacceptable with curiosity, compassion, and gentleness then we can learn to inhabit ourselves more fully. Embodied people learn to be grateful for their shadows, because they have much to teach us about ourselves.

What connecting with our selves can look like:

Journaling.

Being vulnerable.

Identifying areas where you carry shame.

Identifying parts of yourself you often reject or find intolerable in others.

Sitting with yourself in silence.

Bringing curiosity to your experiences and behaviors.

Validating your own feelings.

Offer yourself compassion, care, and kindness.

Imagine interacting with a younger version of yourself, what would you say or do for the is younger you, that maybe you needed then?

 

9. Remember your values.

When I feel adrift in session with a client, it’s usually because I don’t know what guides them, what matters to them, what they value most. Sometimes they aren’t even aware themselves! Values ground us and transcend us, they give our actions purpose and meaning. They make this existence matter. When we live into our values, we feel aligned and purposeful. We feel satisfied and fulfilled. When we walk away from our values, we often feel dissonance between the person we want to be and the person we are behaving like. The easiest way to close that gap is to 1) be aware of what your values are 2) Find small actionable steps that lead in the direction of your value. We can never “accomplish” a value. Living into a value is never done, it is something we continually must choose to step towards. No one lives into their values 100% of the time. Yet the more mindful we are about our choices lining up with our values, the more direction, purpose, and meaning we derive from life.

What remembering your values can look like:

Complete a “Values Sort Exercise” by reading through a list online and organizing the words that stand out to you most.

Investigate past positive experiences where you felt you had a strong sense of self, direction, satisfaction, fulfillment, purpose, or meaning and mine those experiences for clues as to what you might have been valuing or living into at those times.

Break down small, actionable, realistic steps for living into one of your identified values.

Offer yourself compassion for making mistakes or not living up to your goals/values.

Surround yourself with people who share similar values or inspire you to move towards your goals and values.

Be curious about your values, where they originate, how they feel to you, is there a socio-cultural narrative that impacts these values (positively or negatively)?

Make conscious choices about the things you choose to value and how you show you value them.

 

10.  Prioritize what’s most important.

In times of transition, and in general, we only have so much energy. While it is a renewable resource, our energy is also limited per day. Our world is so full of distractions and non-stop media grabbing for our time and attention – also precious resources. We seek entertainment and distraction to soothe our overwhelmed and overstimulated nervous systems, thereby re-starting the whole cycle. Prioritizing what’s important is a skill that helps us cut through the static, narrow our focus, and direct our energy where it matters most. It takes conscious effort and mindful awareness to choose where our energy, time, and attention is invested. But that’s exactly what is happening, no matter what we are doing we are investing it somewhere. We invest it in entertainment and media, we invest it in work for money to live off of, we invest it in our relationships to maintain and enjoy them, we invest it in ourselves to learn and grow. Or you could say: Wherever you spend your time and energy, there your heart and treasure lie also. So be wise with where you allocate your most precious of resources. Ensure that you are investing in the things that truly matter to you, that truly are important.

What prioritizing what’s most important can look like:

Taking stock of your daily routine/agenda

Clarifying your needs and goals for a day/week.

Identifying what is important in your life and ways you show that to yourself and others

Being honest about areas in your life that are important yet have been neglected in terms of “investment” of your time, energy, and attention

Look for small, actionable steps for re-investing in neglected areas

Make a schedule/create a routine/set a reminder in order to continually and intentionally prioritize what’s important

 

 

Remember that these are only suggestions of things to possibly try, things that might help. Please trust yourself to navigate your needs in this time of transition. And when you feel like it’s too hard or you can’t do it much more on your own, please know that we at Riverbank Therapy would love to partner with you in your journey and come alongside to support you.

So You’ve Had An Existential Crisis…Now What?

by Abby Lombardo, LMFT

I’ve heard it jokingly (and sincerely) said…if you haven’t had an existential breakdown during this pandemic…are you even doing it right?

 

Existential crises usually involve life’s big questions: Who am I? What matters in life? What is a good life? What is worth living for? What is happiness? What makes me happy? What can I do to live a life well-lived? What do I believe in? What do I do with my time? Etc. Etc.

 

Basically, what I mean to convey is… if thoughts of your own mortality, the mortality of those you love, what in your life has purpose or meaning, what matters, or what to do with your life have crossed your mind in the last year – you’re in good company. It’s important to normalize a good existential crisis. They’re actually deeply important for what it means to be human and to find out how to live our best lives.

 

It was just this past weekend, I was feeling this ugly, unsettled feeling. Kept me restless during the day, feeling over- and under-stimulated at the same time. Bored, but not really… I was definitely uneasy. I couldn’t quite name how I was feeling. Everything in my life seemed great…nothing stood out as a “cause” for this niggling feeling. I wanted to cry and curl up in a ball for the rest of the evening. I didn’t know what to do about it or what would make it go away.

 

This is just one experience of an existential crisis. Yours might look completely different from this or you might resonate with this description. The point is, most of us (if not all) have ‘em. It’s a part of being human… of existing. In this post, I seek to normalize and utilize our existential crises to bring about more wellbeing and flourishing in our lives.

 

There’s power in naming an experience.

 

Once I named this experience, categorized it, gave it meaning, I was able to make a bit more sense of it. It takes awareness to name something: you first have to acknowledge it. This can be difficult when our instinct is to push away, avoid, deny, or drown these feelings. Familiarize yourself with what your own experience of existential unease looks like. It could be obvious, or not at all. Pay attention. Look for patterns. Listen to your body’s sensations. In reality, this can be a lot harder than it sounds. While this is the first step, it isn’t always so easy or simple. Really spend time with yourself and your body to familiarize yourself with how you experience existential issues popping up in your life.

 

Why it’s important…

 

Existential crises are our psyche and body’s way to tell us to pay attention! Often times, there’s an unmet need, a neglected part of ourselves that is screaming for attention. A lot of crises happen during points of transition, change, loss, or upon entering a new life stage. There’s a reason for this. As you go through life, you change. Your needs, wants, goals, dreams, abilities…etc. In order to adapt well through life’s sometimes predictable (sometimes not) changes, you need to be able to flex and grow. Having checkpoints where we engage with these bigger questions and answer them anew for ourselves (even if our answers don’t change) is a powerful way to approach the inevitable change that life demands of us. There’s a reason “midlife crisis” has become so ubiquitous in America… middle life is a time of reckoning with what life is left before you. It can be a time of drastic change, from family life (empty nesters, divorce, caretaking or death/loss of parents, etc.) to personal life (questions of retirement, reckoning with physical health, abilities, ailments, etc., questions of did I spend my time well…). The list goes on. Our ability to face ourselves and take the time to ask and answer life’s big questions can be the difference of aging well with grace or living in denial or despair. (A note here that existential crises can happen at any age, not just during mid-life.)

 

What you can do…

 

So let’s say you’ve spent some time with yourself, you’ve noticed the unique constellation of sensations, symptoms, and feelings that mean you, too, are experiencing some existential anxiety. What now?

 

The next step is to lean in.

Lean into the discomfort.

Be curious about it.

 

When do you feel it most? Is it before work? After work? When you’re all alone? When you aren’t being entertained by TV, social media, or others?

 

In the discomfort, lies the key to further understanding.

 

To lean in requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves and our own penchants to avoid, distract, numb, or deny. We need to call ourselves out and our many ways of coping. As a species, human beings generally avoid discomfort and seek comfort. We must go opposite this innate tendency to find any type of answer.

 

Once you lean in, be curious, and be honest you can finally start to listen and interpret what you’re hearing.

 

How to listen:

 

Well, so far you’ve been doing a great job increasing awareness, acknowledging feelings as they come, identifying/naming the pattern of sensation and emotion. You’ve been leaning in with curiosity and honesty, challenging your innate and learned response patterns to discomfort.

 

Now what?

 

This is the time to ask yourself: What is my psyche/body trying to tell me? What is it trying to communicate? What do I need or want? Is there something I’m neglecting (a need/ a part of myself)? Am I unhappy with some aspect of my life that I’m not addressing? Am I internalizing something I need to externalize (anger, pain, grief, shame, guilt “negative” feelings)? What could I do to address this need/want? What can I learn about myself from this experience?

 

These can be powerful questions to unlocking the answers you need to move forward and through your existential crises. While this list is helpful, it is far from exhaustive. You will need to reckon with questions of your own that aren’t included in this compilation, but this can be a good start.

 

Now that you’re asking, you can use what you’ve learned from the past steps of identifying, leaning in, being curious and honest to listen to your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual responses to these questions. Our bodies don’t often respond to us with words. Our bodies talk with sensations, emotions, pain, ailments, tension, energy, color, memories, images, temperature, vibration, movement, etc. Try to listen from these different modalities. And if this is something that does not feel accessible to your or feels like a foreign language – that’s okay! Just like any other language, the language of our bodies is something we learn and practice. It is never perfectly understood, we just get a bit better at it. A therapist can help you learn your body’s language and connect you deeper with yourself by learning how to listen and respond to what your body is telling you.

 

Great! You’ve come so far already! Next are the last steps of interpreting and responding!

 

Let’s say you’ve realized that you feel tension in your shoulders every time you get off work. Your energy level sinks once you transition from work-time to non-work time. You feel rushed and like no amount of time is enough time to relax and attend to all the other things (or people) that need your attention. You’re spent. You get sick often. Your body doesn’t know how to relax. You get headaches or stomachaches, too. You feel irritable all of the time. Your sleep quality is miserable and not satisfying. You feel exhausted, depressed, and anxious most of the time.

 

This vignette presents the myriad ways your body tries to let you know something needs attending to. Now, there’s no one right way to attend to these sensations/feelings/signs. This same person can try getting massages 1x/month, going to therapy, quitting their job, balancing work and life with improved boundaries, learning how to care for their needs outside of work, learning relaxation and stress management skills, finding a better support system, etc. For every one need, there’s many, many ways to try and respond to trying to meet that need. Interpreting what the need is and what response fits the best can be tricky. It is often a case of trial and error. Remember, the language of our bodies is more of an art than a science. It will never be perfectly clear all of the time. We must guess. We must experiment. Try and try again. The great part is our bodies often respond well simply to us just responding at all! Even if we get it wrong. You acknowledging, naming, leaning in, asking, listening, interpreting, and trying to respond builds trust with yourself – which communicates: When something needs attention – you will attend to it. You will not be neglected or abandoned in your need.

 

It is this self-trust that we build out of this process that gives us the confidence and resilience to flexibly navigate life’s curve balls, it’s sufferings and joys. When we learn the language of our own psyche and body (yes, existential crises is our psyche and body speaking to us), we learn everything we need to make it through. You have a navigational system already internally-wired. Consider this a truncated, generic version of an owner’s manual.

 

When talking about existential questions, I must reserve some space for leaving room for the Unknown. The Unknown represents the things we cannot answer, the things we cannot control, the change that inevitably awaits us. Sometimes, you won’t have an answer to how you’re feeling, you won’t know what to call it, it won’t have a name or a sensation that makes sense, you won’t know what you need, you won’t know how to meet that need that you don’t know about, you won’t know the best way through this…that is utterly and deeply normal and okay! Part of the process is trusting the process and interfacing with discomfort--and for a large majority of humans, not knowing makes us wildly uncomfortable.

 

And so, the next time you have an existential crisis (‘cause there is most likely going to be another one)…I hope these words can be a guide for you to start learning the language of your own psyche and body, so that you can grow and find the flourishing and wellbeing that comes from attending to all parts of what it means to be human.

Election Stress

We need a plan to cope with the election. It's going to be stressful, probably no matter what happens.

Questions for you to reflect on in the days leading up to and on election day:


On the news:

-how does reading/watching the news impact your thoughts, emotions and body?

-which news consumption platforms create the most and least stress? (TV news, newspapers, websites)

-which news outlets create the most and least stress? (CNN, NBC, Fox, NYTimes, local news outlets, etc.)

-how much time is too much time interacting with the news? how do you know when you've hit your limit? (body reaction, intense emotion, etc)

-how might you interact with the news for the next week in a way that keeps you informed but doesn't suck you into a doom spiral? It's going to be stressful as a baseline, so how you can interact in a way that cares for yourself within that stress?


On polls:

-if you read poll data, how does that impact your thoughts, emotions and body?

-what stories do you tell yourself after looking at polls?

-is that helping? hurting? how does looking at this data serve you?


On social media:

-what is your relationship with social media relating to politics?

-leading up to the election, how might you use social media to encourage people to turn out and vote?

-how do you know when you've been on social media too much? When this happens, how can you disengage and what else can you spend time doing?


On election day:

-how do you want to spend election day/night?

-Do you want to watch the vote counts come in live on TV? Or maybe do something else and check in with results periodically?

-We may not know the official results on election night. What time will you go to bed? What will help you get to sleep?

-Who can you be with, virtually or in person, for support the day of and days after?