Trauma

Why and How To Reconnect With Your Body

Why get in touch with your body?

What is the point of becoming embodied?

For those of us who tend to live in our heads and feel more comfortable in thinking, connecting with your body might feel pointless. For those of us who have a history of trauma and feel safer disconnected, connecting with your body might feel scary. For those of us who have been doing this disconnection for a long time, it might feel impossible (more on this tomorrow).

So why is it so important? Why are somatic therapies and connection to the body something you see on every other post these days?

It's because it helps (in short).

In long:

Becoming embodied allows deeper communication with yourself. It helps you align with your values, live with intention, and cultivate empathy for others. 

Your body is wise AF. It has data and information that you need to take care of yourself and be taken care of.

When you're disconnected from your body, it has to start screaming for you to pay attention and take care. But when you are more connected, more embodied, you can begin to hear the whispers.

You can hear the quiet conversation inside and respond so it doesn't escalate to screaming. You can get your needs met needs more effectively, because you hear them before they become desperate to get met. You can drink water when you're a little thirsty rather than chug when you're parched. You can soothe anxiety when it's just a trickle, before it becomes a flood of panic.

Meeting your needs builds trust in yourself. You show up for yourself, because you're listening to your whole self.

Not saying this is easy, or comes automatically. Just that it's important, and takes practice.

How do you practice this?

Are you struggling to reconnect with your body?

Do you ask "what am I feeling in my body" and come up with nothing?

You're not alone. This disconnection makes sense. Often, living in our heads and outside of our bodies helps create safety, especially if you have been through a trauma. It makes sense that you don't feel much when you try to sense what is there. You've been protecting yourself from what you might find. Two reminders: 1) You don't have to try this. 2) If you feel ready to, or feel safe enough to create more connection with your body but are struggling, you might try this:

-ask yourself, when/how did/does it serve you to live in your mind? Explore your relationship with your body and what protection the disconnection has given you. Rather than directly trying to feel what's happening in your body, maybe start with thinking about your relationship to your body to build a little more safety with the process.  

-break it down into smaller parts. Notice a specific part of your body rather than asking the question as a whole. "What do I feel in my right shoulder?" rather than "What sensation is in my body?" This can feel less overwhelming.

-create sensation to feel. Squeeze gently up and down your arm, and notice the change after you stop. Do a few jumping jacks, and notice what happens. Pet your dog, drink some water, put on a heating pad, hold an ice cube, and notice what sensations show up there.

Be kind to yourself as you do this. Know that it is a practice, and that connection will ebb and flow. If you begin to feel unsafe, move to something else.

What else helps you connect?

Protecting Your Mental Health During Trauma

We are in the middle of a worldwide trauma.


COVID-19 is scary. It's a trauma we're all going through. (Not to mention all the other global traumas that are happening right now…)

I certainly don't want to amplify this fear...but I do want to acknowledge that reality is scary right now. It is downright traumatizing. Whether you name it as trauma for yourself or not. We are all impacted.

I see more "existential anxiety" showing up in my office. I'm spending more sessions talking about politics, climate change, & generalized FEAR. More of us are feeling unsafe & afraid.*

[*Much of this is not new to BIPOC, LGBTQ+ folx, & those in marginalized communities. That fear has been present for a long time, & it should have been named & changed a long-ass time ago. What I'm noticing, I think, is that those with privilege, myself included, are finally waking up to fear as well.]

Effects you may notice:
-overconsumption or avoidance of the news
-feeling unsafe in public
-trouble sleeping
-fear/dread about the future
-hopelessness
-suicidal thoughts
-rage
-distrust of other people
-helplessness


You are not alone.

Trauma leaves us feeling hopeless, powerless & overwhelmed.

Actions that might help:
-seeking safety & connection with those you love
-move your body, drink water, & try to get good sleep
-setting boundaries with the news
-having important conversations about the issues we're facing as a species
-BUILD COMMUNITY AND CONNECTION
-voting, donating, protesting, advocating, using your voice--whatever you can to do ACT about the issues you care about.


These actions help build hope and help you feel that you have some power (by focusing on what you can do to impact the future), as well as help regulate your nervous system. Not only are these ways that we can keep trauma from having massive lasting effects, they are also ways we can make the world a better, less scary place.

I don't have all (or really any) answers. I'm afraid, too, and trying to figure out how to navigate this. What I'm focusing on is staying connected to other people however I can; listening to fear &regulating my nervous system.

I am here with you. I don't know. How are you dealing with things?

Attachment, Resilience and Trauma

Therapists asking about your childhood is a cliché. But…it’s cliché for a reason.

Your childhood has a massive impact on who you are as an adult. In my work as a trauma therapist, I know that your childhood experiences have a huge impact on stress resilience. People who had childhoods that fostered secure attachments (or adult relationship that facilitate an “earned secure” attachment style) are better able to recover from stress, and less likely to develop PTSD after a traumatic event.

Let’s back up. What do I mean by “attachment”? It basically means the way that you receive soothing and connection with your primary caregiver(s) as a child. The quality of these early attachment relationships to a large extent influence everything about you.

“Attachment is part of a 3-part motivational system of fear–attachment-exploration. Fear triggers attachment behaviors. The safe haven of secure attachment soothes the fear of the amygdala, and opens exploration….Exploration eventually bumps us into something that triggers fear again which shuts down exploration and triggers attachment behaviors again which soothe the fear again and open exploration cycle of safety-exploration again.” -Linda Graham

Because we have a need for regulation, and as a baby haven’t yet developed the structures to do this ourselves, we rely on our primary caregivers to help us regulate. This is what our attachment system does for us. Attuned attachment typically leads to a wider window of tolerance, while misattuned attachment typically leads to a narrower one.

If our early attachment relationships are safe and attuned, we develop the ability to trust, accurately assess fear and regulate emotions. We can move more easily between fear, attachment and exploration. When something stressful happens to a person with secure attachment, their fear/anxiety peaks, and then over time returns to baseline in the window of tolerance. This happens more quickly and easily for those with secure attachments.

However, if our early attachment relationships are injurious or traumatic, then we might get stuck in any part of the fear-attachment-exploration cycle. This depends on how our caregiver(s) responded to us when we sought soothing after fear, or when we craved exploration. We may become more likely to seek attachment in response to fear (anxious attachment style), or seek exploration in response to either fear or attachment (avoidant attachment style), or oscillate between both (disorganized attachment).

This has a huge impact on how we respond to stress.

With an insecure attachment style (anxious, avoidant or disorganized), the peak of anxiety/fear may be higher, last longer, and take more to return to baseline. In addition, that baseline may be higher than those with secure attachment as well—meaning anxiety without stressful events idles closer to the edge of the window of tolerance.

Because our early attachment relationships influence our ordinary stress resilience, they also influence resilience to traumatic stress.

Those with insecure attachment styles are more likely to develop PTSD after a trauma than those with a secure attachment.

[This DOES NOT MEAN that everything is predetermined. Our attachment systems are quite amenable to growth and change, as is our stress tolerance. This is simply more information about how our early childhood experiences shape our adult selves.]

About 20% of people who experience trauma go on to develop PTSD. There is not a ton of research on how to prevent the development of PTSD after trauma, but this information is an interesting piece of that puzzle. If we can help kids have more secure attachments, then it follows that less kids and adults will experience PTSD after a trauma.

(I know, it would be great if trauma just didn't happen...but we don’t have control over that. However…I'd also argue that less interpersonally caused trauma would happen if more of us had secure attachment...but that’s a post for another time.)

Attachment security being a resilience factor supports the theory that relational experiences are necessary for healing trauma: developing more secure attachments in and through therapy will help widen your window of tolerance, support your nervous system in becoming more adaptive and flexible, and provide new healing experiences.

Want to explore this with one of our therapists? Click here to schedule your free 20 minute consultation today!