How Therapy and Politics Are Related

(by Toni Aswegan, LMHC)

THERAPY IS POLITICAL.

We can and should and must talk about politics, as therapists. Not in every single individual therapy session, but as therapists we have an ethical duty to be engaged politically, and address barriers that impact our clients’ well-being. Its part of our ethics code (ACA code section A.7.a).

One of many reasons I say therapy is political is that there are 3 different realms where trauma healing happens:

1) Auto-regulation, or self-regulation. This is stuff you do on your own to care for yourself. This is deep breathing, going on a run, listening to music, eating a snack, laying on the ground, practicing self-compassion, meditation, journaling, dancing. Really anything you do on your own that helps soothe your stress response is considered “self-regulation”.

2) Co-regulation. This is stuff you do with other people to care for and with each other. Getting a hug, having a good conversation, laughing, playing with your dog, looking at someone else’s eyes, being told you are loved. These moments of connection in safe relationships regulates your nervous system differently than when you are on your own.

3) JUSTICE. Some call it social justice, but Rev angel kyodo williams has said that all justice is social, so let's just call it justice. We can build safety through self- and co-regulation, BUT IF OUR BODIES ARE NOT OBJECTIVELY SAFE IN THE WORLD, healing is so much more difficult. I don't want you to regulate your nervous system to adapt to oppressive systems and circumstances. Those circumstances need to change. Until black and brown bodies, womxn bodies, trans bodies, queer bodies, Jewish bodies, larger bodies and disabled bodies are safe in the world, we cannot focus only on self and co-regulation as a path to healing. We have to actively work to make the world 1) a place where less injury and trauma happen in the first place, and 2) a place where people can heal and feel safe.

This is not the job of those who experience a lack of safety through oppression and discrimination. This is on those of us with privilege and power.

Healing work is justice work. Therapy is political.

When I say "therapy is political", I do NOT mean:

-we talk about politics all the time in therapy (unless it's a goal of yours);

-we talk about politics if my clients don't want to;

-we try to convince clients to vote in a particular way.

When I say "therapy is political", I mean:

-your mental health is impacted by the systems you live within, and healing is not an entirely individual process;

-we will acknowledge the impact of those oppressive systems in your therapy process;

-if appropriate and agreed upon between therapist and client, we will discuss ways to challenge those systems and ways to continue to live as safely as possible within them;

-as a therapist, we fight, outside the therapy room, to create social change and justice (because it is the right thing to do, and also because that supports change inside the therapy room).

This shows up differently in every therapy session, for every therapist and every client. It shows up differently for every therapist even outside of the therapy room. But, therapy and politics are certainly intertwined.

How to Cope with Shame

First things first: Guilt and shame are NOT the same emotion.

Guilt is "I did a bad thing." Shame is "I am bad."

Both are natural human emotions.

Guilt is useful (when it's actually called for). It calls you in to notice when your behavior is out of line with your values. Socially, it spurs you to apologize and do better in the future. In this way, guilt can be useful. (Guilt can certainly take over and become not useful, like we often see with depression or anxiety, so we're not talking about that kind of guilt right now).

Shame, on the other hand, is not useful. Shame says "you are bad, and you no longer belong in society." This is not helpful. Shame prohibits empathy and curiosity, and so gets in the way of even wanting to learn how to do better. Shame also gives you no incentive to change, because you are already "outcast".

**You might at this point be feeling shame about feeling shame. "What is wrong with me that I keep feeling this useless emotion?!" Please be nice to yourself. You are human, and shame is part of being human. We fear disconnection more than almost anything, and shame grows out of this fear. That's okay.**

You might notice that shame has a stronger physical/somatic presence than guilt. It might feel physically different than guilt--showing up in different places in your body with different patterns.

The thoughts associated with guilt and shame are also different.

Guilt thoughts tend to sound like:

"I wish I had called my friend earlier when I knew they were struggling."

"I should have studied more for that test."

"Lying like that was not okay, I don't feel good about that."

Shame thoughts tend to sound like:

"I'm a terrible friend for not being supportive. I don't deserve friends."

"I'm so stupid. I'm an idiot for not studying more and failing the test."

"I am a liar, no one can trust me."

You can practice moving from shame to guilt. Separate the BEHAVIOR from YOURSELF. (Contrary to popular? belief, you are more than your behaviors.) This can help you from spiraling from guilt, to shame, to hopelessness, even to feeling suicidal.

Questions to reflect on:

What did you actually do/not do?

Was this in line with your values or not?

Can you talk to yourself about the behavior and avoid making a global evaluation of yourself? (See above examples of guilt vs shame talk.)

What can you do to make amends? (Apologize, plan how to change your behavior in the future, etc).

And, as always, practice self-compassion. Everyone makes mistakes. It's human to fuck up. You're still good enough and loveable, even when you fuck up.

So how do we sit with shame??

Like many other emotions:

1) Identify THAT you are feeling it in the first place. Name the emotion: "this is shame."

2) Notice where and how you are experiencing shame in your body. I often feel it as sweaty pits, red face, heavy heart, and difficulty breathing. It will show up differently for all of us. For many who have experienced trauma, shame comes with a hypoaroused collapsed state and dissociation (below the window of tolerance). Notice this.

3) Write down or name what thoughts are coming with shame. "I'm the worst, everyone hates me, I don't deserve what I have..."etc.

4) Separate those thoughts from the moment that triggered shame:

-Maybe you did something you regret, shift "I am awful for doing that" to "That was out of line with my values, can I apologize or do better in the future?"

-Maybe you were just vulnerable with a friend, and now are questioning your disclosure. How did your friend respond? Were they supportive? Are there signs you will be rejected? More likely than not, they responded well and were supportive. Check those facts, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and connection.

5) SELF-COMPASSION. Remind yourself that we all experience shame, that it is related to our fear of disconnection and abandonment. Remind yourself that all humans make mistakes, it is human to be imperfect, and that imperfect connection is what we're here for. Go for a walk, take a bath, play with your dog...do something that nourishes your soul and shows yourself care.

Interoception--the 6th Sense

Interoception is your ability to feel what is happening inside your body.

You know the 5 senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch. These are "exteroceptive" senses. They help us know what is happening in the outside world, and help us determine how to respond.

INteroception is like a 6th sense. It's how you know when you are hungry, thirsty, or tired. It's how you know that you're in pain, or need to pee, or need to stretch.

After trauma, you may notice less of what's going on in your body. Because of the trauma, you may have disconnected from your body, and disconnected from your sense of what is happening inside.

Not knowing what is going on in your body, being disconnected from interoceptive cues, makes it much more difficult to meet your needs. If you don't notice pain when you've been sitting in an uncomfortable position for an hour, you won't think to change positions. If you're hungry, but have gotten caught up with work and didn't notice your growling stomach, you won't consider giving your body the nourishment it needs.

This makes it harder and harder to trust ourselves. We're missing the cues that tell us how to care for ourselves, which leads to not taking care of ourselves. This undermines our ability to believe we deserve care, to trust our bodies to tell us what we need, and to trust ourselves to meet our own needs (let alone ask others for what we need).

This is why so much of trauma therapy is building awareness of what is happening somatically. Being able to FEEL AND NOTICE what is happening in your body builds your connection back to yourself. It helps you RESPOND to your needs, building TRUST and SAFETY.

There are a ton of ways to do this:

-schedule a time every hour to ask what sensation you're feeling in your body (this can take just a few seconds)

-schedule reminders to ask yourself if you need a drink of water or a snack

-move your body, and take notice of how it feels when you move

-work with a somatic therapist

You can also come to my yoga class on Wednesday 10/21! (or after, I'll be sending out the recording!)

This class is an intentional, mindful, trauma-sensitive exploration of movement to help cultivate your interoceptive capacity. Every yoga-ish shape is offered with a lot of variations, and time to get curious about what feels good in YOUR body. You don't have to do what I say, or what I do...I really encourage students in the class to do what feels good. To feel into your body and respond to what it's asking for. 

I hope you'll join us :) Click here to find out more and to register.