A consistent bedtime routine is an act of self appreciation and gratitude.
“Healthy sleep habits” as a buzzword has been floating around for years now. Today we’ll break down what this phrase actually means for you, in your life and your bed.
Good sleep isn’t just about what happens when you close your eyes-- healthy, good, sleep is a way of treating ourselves kindly, and genuinely spending time with ourselves before our eyes close. The suggestions here take about 30 minutes after you’re done with your evening, before you close your eyes.
Just like we receive signals from our environment and our body that it is time to eat a meal, or have sex, we receive signals that it is time to go to bed.
Have you ever been walking down the street as a strong, delicious scent from a nearby restaurant wafts your way? When this happens, you may notice that you feel hungry when you weren’t a few minutes ago. This scent of cooking food is an environmental cue that allows you to notice your hunger. The rumbling in your stomach that follows is a bodily cue that it is time to eat.
Same goes for sexual interactions! Touching, verbal cues like flirting and consistent eye contact are all cues to your body that it can begin to get aroused. Once your body has received the environmental cue, you will probably notice your heart beating faster, perhaps you are breathing a little faster too-- those are cues that your body is ready to be sexually stimulated.
We need the same environmental and body cues to know it is time to go to bed.
OK, so how do actually I do that?
Step 1: Spend some time with yourself directly before going to bed. (15 minutes)
This one can be a little tricky… because if I was on the couch watching Great British Baking show alone (ahem, yes, that is me) and then I feel ready to go to bed…. wasn’t I just spending time “with myself”?
No. Spending time alone and spending time with ourselves are different acts. Spending time with yourself is active time that you are engaged and noticing what is happening around you, QT (quality time) with you!
This is a time before bed that your phone/ iPad/ computer/ TV isn’t invited to. Plug it in, lay it facedown on a surface, put it in a drawer…. This is time for you + you.
After you put your screens away and before you get into bed, I recommend fifteen minutes of spending time with yourself.
Some ways that this might look:
A warm shower/ bath with your favorite scented soap
Cup of hot tea on the couch, or at the kitchen table with the lights turned low
A walk around the block where you notice that interesting tree, or how your neighbor’s beautiful purple house looks different at this time of night.
Teeth brushing/ face washing
Petting/ cuddling with a dog/ cat/ pet
Doing a low key/ low stakes task around the house, like watering the plants, putting away clean dishes
Any combination of the above!
Step two: Getting ready to directly enter your bed (5 minutes)
Now that you have spent a little screen-free time with yourself, its time to actually get into bed! Rituals are very helpful here as our bodies love and thrive on routines, and knowing what to expect.
These are Rituals that invite all your sense doors to the bed time experience. Feel free to mix and match them based on your home/ your preferences/ what feels right!
Tactile
A shirt/ pajamas specifically for sleeping.
Something soft and cozy, that you put on while you’re getting ready for bed. (different from your couch/ lounge wear)
Touch & Smell
Lotion/ moisturizer you put on after face washing/ teeth brushing.
The act of touching your own face/ body gently and lovingly signals to your nervous system that its ok to settle. Your olfactory sense (smell) will also notice the scent of the lotion and give your body the permission to begin to relax
Essential oils you gently rub between your palms, on your neck, and across your brow to massage your skin and soothe yourself
Auditory (hearing)
White noise machine
This goes allllll the way back to our time in utero, where our mothers digestive tracts, blood flow and internal organs made all sorts of sounds that soothed us. White noise machines are a really wonderful way to auditorily signal to your body to settle down for sleep
Visual
Low light/ night light/ salt lamp/ lava lamp
Turning this special light on while you get ready for bed is a way for your eyes/ visual sense to understand that bed time is approaching
Step three: Spending time in bed before you close your eyes. (10-15 minutes)
This is an opportunity for our bodies to settle into the reality that we will be going to sleep soon. Just like smelling that delicious scent as we walk down the street and noticing we’re hungry, this is our bodies time to notice that we are calmer, we are settled, we are here. In our bed.
Ideas of how to spend this time:
Journaling: Freewriting (writing whatever comes to mind) is great! A simple prompt to use day after day is: three things I feel gratitude for right now
Reading: Choose something you want to read, and enjoy reading! Usually this means a fictional book, as stories are easier to read at bedtime that facts in a nonfiction book
Give yourself permission to re-read a paragraph or a page! It’s ok if your thoughts wander.
Choose a small number of pages to read, like 5.
Doing nothing (with the light on)
Yep, you read that right. I’m talking about staring at the ceiling nothing. Why? Because your mind might have more thoughts it wants to think through before you settle down for bed. Doing this with the light on allows it to be a self-reflective practice. If your thoughts get the time they are asking from you before you turn out the light, they are less likely to pop up when it’s actual sleep time.
Step four: Lights out, eyes closed
You did it! You put yourself to bed! Congratulations, because this is not an easy task. It is a real choice to give yourself and your body the time and attention before bed that leads to deeper and more restful sleep during the night.
It can be very helpful to have a calming practice (yep, bedtime is allll about calm) once your eyes are closed but you’re still awake.
Breathing 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out
This might include a hand on your heart, or belly, and actively counting to 4 as you inhale and counting to 4 as you exhale. If a thought creeps in and distracts you, no problem, come back to counting when you notice you’ve left
Toe to head body scan
Begin in your toes and really allow yourself to notice feeling/ sensation in your toes. Is there a tingling? Pulsing? Spend a moment here, then move your awareness into your foot. Slowly move up your body, inch by inch, noticing sensations. Again, if your mind wanders, thats normal and OK! Bring your awareness back to wherever you were when you got distracted
Counting backwards from 100 … slowly
Focus on each number and slowly count backwards from 100. Make it to zero? Start again, and again, and again, as needed
Sleep FAQ’s:
What do I do if I wake up in the middle of the night?!
Acknowledge it! It is normal and natural to wake up sometimes. This might mean putting your hand on your heart and quietly saying “it’s ok” to yourself. I also like to imagine a big funnel beneath my body, allowing all the extra energy I have to spill into the funnel and down into the earth. Any imagery you like can be used here. If/when you wake up, being kind to yourself about it will allow sleep to return more easily.
Is it OK to have my phone next to my bed?
I find it really really helpful to have an alarm clock that isn’t my phone. This means I am able to touch/ look at/ interact with my alarm clock both before bed and when I wake up without the pull of looking at my phone. Even if you need your phone next to your bed for on-call/ emergency purposes, I recommend having it face down, and not using it as your alarm clock.
Read more about sleep tips HERE
This practice is just that, a practice. It takes time to figure out what feels right for you, and how your body best responds to calming down after a long day. Over time, this can develop into a lovely self care ritual you look forward to at the end of every day! Happy sleeping!